Nowadays, no major chain misses the opportunity to brand you when you leave the store with a nice shopping bag that identifies you, at least until you get home, as a happy customer of their empire. But what do these bags say about you?

I'm not saying there's anything fundamentally wrong with a fanny pack. It seems very practical. It's a backpack for your butt (provided you are not using the British meaning of the word fanny). However, practicality aside, I just don't see a fanny pack as a major bonus to anything, especially if you happen to be a fan, of say, Kesha. Excuse me, I mean Ke$ha. Apparently the marketing geniuses behind Ke$ha's new VIP tour disagree, and they think it's exciting enough to help entice you into paying extra to be a Ke$ha "VIP" on her new tour, as evidenced by the actual promotional email ticketmaster sent out.

Interestingly, they note that this is a "new design!" as if people weren't sufficiently excited about the old design, but of course, the concept itself wasn't the problem....

SCENE: Ke$ha Marketing Headquarters. Team Meeting.

Ke$ha Marketing Analyst: "People aren't really excited about this whole fanny pack, thing. We're getting only a 7.8 percent response rate and that's all negative."

Ke$ha Marketing Intern: "I have to agree. People are making fun of it on the blogs and talking about how disappointing it is."

Ke$ha Marketing Director: "I guess we should redesign the fanny packs, then."

Ke$ha Marketing Analyst: "That's not really what I meant--"

Ke$ha Marketing Director: "Okay folks, that's a wrap. Any other business?"

She specifically requested a gossipy roommate on her freshman housing application form

     I have a piece of sobering news for pimple-faced adolescent boys inundated with movies (porn), magazines (porn), and television shows (porn) that titillate with images of collegiate girl-on-girl action. Turns out those college girls may actually be *studying* instead of getting it on with each other. Studying something decidedly unsexy like Entomology or 19th Century Victorian Literature. At least, this is according to the New York Times, which recently published the results of a study suggesting that women with bachelor's degrees were actually less likely to have had a same-sex experience than those who did not finish high school.

 We just received a special announcement from Kashi, makers of cereal, snack bars, frozen dinners and other food with a health, planet, and "lifestyle" conscious vibe. They have a new branding campaign for their "Good Friends" high fiber cereal: they are putting you on the box! Just what do they hope to accomplish? Aside from slimming that waste-line, with lots of high-fiber goodness, their new cereal box also promises to trim that white liberal guilt away in no time!

If you haven't been watching The A-List: New York on the gay-centric Logo channel these past two months, your life has had a Prada-shaped meteoric-sized hole. This gem of a reality show is so deliciously bitchy, it puts the Real Housewives to shame. The A-List follows five gay boys who claim to comprise the creme de la creme of New York's "fabulous people", their relationships, hook-ups, party disasters, and catfights. Watching this show is a sad reminder that no matter what demographic you are in, someone, somewhere, has created a Jersey Shore just for you. For those of you who need a recap, allow me to break it down.

 So apparently, lots of guys are signing off text messages to each other with "x". As in "kisses". And when I say lots, I mean almost a quarter. While I think it's nice that guys aren't afraid of a little SMS (short message snogging) with each other, it might make some of their wives jealous if they found out that their guy friends are getting more textual love than they are. Still, it makes me wonder: if fully 75% of 18-24 year old men are "Metrotextuals" and 48% saying that the kiss is commonplace among their friends, what kind of messages are they sending to each other? (Also, did T-Mobile get our permission to do this research?)

- Oh, my little girl is coming on next.
- Seriously? How old is she?
- Seven.
- Seven! And she's in this?! Dang! That's amazing!
- Yea, we're so proud of her... OMG here she comes. I'm shaking... Wait what's that she's wearing... holy shit is that a... Who dressed my daughter up like a stripper? What the hell is going on?
- Ooo. She's a good dancer though.
- Uh, thanks.
- Better watch out when she hits puberty.
- Uh....
- Man... better watch out, like right now.
- ...
- uh, huh.

Fig A. If you thought Michelle "Bombshell" McGee looked "trashy", Let me introduce you to Mr James' Ex-Wife, Janine Lindemulder. (Occupation? You guessed it: Porn Star)

 Oh, we all feel for you, Sandra. Your husband, Jesse James, married twice before (once to a tattoo-covered porn star, Fig A), cheated on you with a girl who, like him and unlike you, was covered in tattoos. Yup. No one could have seen that coming. I mean, here's a guy who's built a reputation on being Mr I-will-build-you-a-custom car/motorcycle/whatever (with 10 times the legal exhaust (!), no less), covered in tattoos, and here you are, little miss Bullock. Sure, we saw you in Miss Congeniality. You're tough. You like to act mean. But look, dating football players in high school won't cut it. Your momma was an opera singer and your daddy was a voice coach. A voice coach. You cannot compete in this territory.

 Michelle "Bombshell" McGee was the "trashy" girl's name. She's the one who did this to you. Let's see what the media has to say:

       The comparisons were inevitable. One is a sexually provocative, envelope-pushing, hit-churning, fashion-risk-taking, controversy-thriving, gay pop icon. And the other is....well, the same thing. While Gaga is clearly much newer to the fame game and has yet to demonstrate the enormous staying power of Queen Madge, they have both developed their own unique brands of cultural hysteria and fiercely loyal fanbases. Allow Chicktellectual to break it down for you.

Or something Like that....

Yesterday, Oprah Winfrey interviewed Mackenzie Phillips, an actress and daughter of Mamas and the Papas singer John Phillips. Mackenzie said that her father raped her and eventually their relationship became "consensual".

While it's hard to imagine anything other than Stockholm syndrome, a comparison she herself makes, it does raise some important issues like how power is used and abused, how rape and incest perpetrators get away with their crimes, and can psychologically manipulate their victims, etc. Many people might ask why she continued this relationship long into adulthood.

If we believe Mackenzie (her father died in 2001) this is a clear-cut case. This is not something that anyone could claim is a fuzzy area: her father had been giving her drugs since she was ten and started raping her at 19 when she was passed out because he was jealous that she was getting married. So the fact that she talked about these issue in her book and with Oprah should be a good opportunity for a dialog about these issues.

So the blogosphere must be talking a lot about psychology and real-world implications of all this, right? No.

It's tough knowing you made someone break his own rules, but some rules are just too stupid to be kept.

What every cougar wants to be: young-looking

  It's easy to criticize and make fun of the cougar mania that's grabbing the national attention right now, what with all the TV shows and the first national cougar's convention coming up and all (actually that's a bit surprising... there must have been others...). But let's face it, it is a bit fascinating. I mean, older women who men actually find physically attractive? Is that even biologically possible? Gosh, there's so much to talk about I'm not even sure where to start.

  Of course, to modern entertainment, a cougar couldn't be more exiting: it's a twist, but it's still sexy. Yes, men and women still play their traditional gender rolls (phew!) and nothing is really challenged so it's still safe for TV, and even, say, discussing at the water-cooler, but it seems like things are challenged, doesn't it? Perfect combo!

  So instead of criticizing, lets celebrate that we finally have something we can all agree on: cougars are awesome! They are just what every woman should want more than anything: to still be sexy at 50... er, maybe 40, we can't all be Demi Kutcher (yes, that's her name, now).

Thanks to KRO-media for the picture of the adorable little baby cougar. So little and cute and cuddly. Yes you are. Yes you are!

 I previously reported incorrectly that Wonderbra had signed and then fired model Katie Green. After speaking with representatives from some of the parties involved, and doing a bit more research, here's the whole story, which unfortunately got a bit lost in our editorial backlogs. Apologies to Wonderbra.

Katie Green Stands in front of her Billboard.
Click to Enlarge.

Back in July of '08, Wonderbra announced it was inviting women of all ages, shapes and sizes to participate in what it called "Britain's biggest underwear photoshoot." The result of the photoshoot was a billboard mosaic made up of pictures of the 1,000 women who showed up and got free makeovers and photoshoots. Unfortunately, Katie Green, who was chosen to be the star of the shoot, (her picture would appear as the composite of the mosaic) forgot to leave her digits (probably out of habit from all those slimy pub nights, right Katie?). When Katie didn't get called back, she thought it was time to move on to other things, and was just about to apply to become a police officer when her friends told her that her photo was in the paper and that Wonderbra was looking for her.