We just received a special announcement from Kashi, makers of cereal, snack bars, frozen dinners and other food with a health, planet, and "lifestyle" conscious vibe. They have a new branding campaign for their "Good Friends" high fiber cereal: they are putting you on the box! Just what do they hope to accomplish? Aside from slimming that waste-line, with lots of high-fiber goodness, their new cereal box also promises to trim that white liberal guilt away in no time!

     It's always around this time that my head is the clearest--when the rest of the world is out cold. "3:16 a.m." flashes ominously on my bedside alarm clock, but I pay it no mind and light my spliff. Let me paint a picture for you. A dumptruck on the corner of Mulberry and Houston. A black homeless guy with dreads singing a not entirely off-key rendition of "I Got You Babe" on the steps of Nolita House. The mood is light, the air is playful, and you can feel the approach of Spring. Even the gutter rats seem to be regrouping.

I don't think people are going far enough in their attempts to get dangerous books out of the hands of our innocent children. Here is just one example of the kind of book that we must absolutely protect our children from. Why, the very idea that Jesus himself had two father figures is not something we need in our children's books! Instead, we need to remind them of the important parts of the bible, like love your neighbor don't kiss people of the same gender. Banning this book would be a step in the right direction, people! Let's do it! Let's be brave!

All the cool kids got their launching licenses at 16.  The really precocious ones, the ones who smelled like private school cardigans and clove cigarettes, they were launching at 15.  She had privately dared on 15 but the mission was aborted when the dorm mistress caught her sneaking out of her room with a stolen spacesuit.  Somehow the time when the mere thought of heights made her dizzy had gone by in light years. Things had changed fast in launch school; by the time she was 14 she already knew that she would be a Maverick and not a Wingman.

The adventures of Chicktellectual Adrian Hotchkiss, as told by applicants to the position she has open in her relationship department. Follow her adventures in the first of our occasional series Opportunity Knocks.

In this episode, Manhattanite John D. Smith attempts to win our heroine's love with a date at a fine restaurant. Will he succeed?