I finally saw Avatar. I am pleased to say I learned a lot of lessons that I'm glad are being passed on to children all over the world:

• If the Native Americans had had a white guy on their side, they would still have the Americas to call their own. (Unless, of course there's a sequel. but they'll be okay if they still have a white guy.)
• Native peoples are more in touch with nature and the earth. It's not even a cultural thing; it's simple biology.
• White people don't need to be humble. Ever. We just need to keep kicking butt and eventually everyone will accept us as their own and even make us their leaders. That's how cool we are.
• "Well, yes, it did all start out as a slimy plot, but then things changed when I met you and fell in love...." is, apparently, not an acceptable excuse in any culture.

We must fight for peace and nature and stuff! Raaaaa!
• All scientists are good people because they automatically see things from other people's perspective and are open minded. Also, it's funny to see them trying to kick butt. Watch out for female scientists like Sigourney Weaver, though, because they are serious ice queen bitches. (Why did nobody give her a gun?)
• Things we can learn from other cultures are essentially sets of facts and ways of fighting. Did someone say something about values, philosophies, etc? No? Okay good.
• Latinas with guns mean well, but, in the end, you just can't count on them, which is sad because as tokens go, Michelle Rodriguez really deserves more screen time.¹ (This movie didn't have a black sidekick who died, it had a Latina sidekick who died.) 
• Ultimately, the solution to problems is a single hero. White guy. (And it's okay if he's dumb, insensitive, cocky, whatever, as long as he kicks a little butt.)
• Helpful tip: when trying to get nookie from someone of a different culture try not to be involved in the attempted genocide of their people.²
• When a woman says, "don't ever come back," what she really means is, "don't ever come back unless you are riding on the back of the giant bird my Grandfather used to ride." It's symbolic, sort of, seeing as how part of the reason she never wanted to see you again was the whole killing her father thing.
• James Cameron is not a creative person. (Think about. Things he probably came up with included calling the native people "Na'vi", get it? the ore they are mining is "unobtanium", not to mention the recycled story-line is boring and trite. Oh, the native people live in a giant tree! Clever! We see some amazing, beautiful stuff in there, but it's not JC.)
• The path to enlightenment is through spirituality, athleticism and being one with nature, not this "logical" and "technological" stuff we use in our modern society, like guns, computers and 3-D animation! Feh! Oh, wait....

¹What? That was a complement.

² Some people will point out that this is actually democide no genocide. Get a grip.

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