It's nice that "nerd" is no longer a four letter word used by bullies in school yards to taunt people. Instead, it seems like everybody wants to declare how they are a nerd, or how some aspect of their personality is "nerdy". Maybe it's part of internet culture, since the internet is built by nerds. In fact our very word social no longer means hanging out together in person: it means facebooking and tweeting on our phones.

Here are some things people use to lay claim to nerdliness, but let's face it, we aren't all nerds:

So, you wear "nerdy glasses"?It's not 1994 anymore. We just
call them glasses, now.

Awkward. That's you! And everyone else who tunes into the hit show on MTV.

You play ukelele! So you are a nerd, just like how Edie Vedder is a nerd for playing ukelele?

1. "It annoys me when people make grammar mistakes. I am a grammar nerd!" Knowing grammar does not make you a nerd; rather, it means you are as smart as a well educated eighth-grader. Posting grammar rules on Facebook doesn't make you a nerd either: it makes you irritating. (Yes, I did used the semi-colon and colon correctly in those sentences, so don't even start with me.)
2. "I play Ukulele and/or accordion." Sure, that's not, like, a huge trend or anything. If you are playing a Uke, you must be a nerd, and not some hipster, and definitely not a famous musician or something.
3. "I am a wiz at Excel." How quaint! When you are ready to use SPSS, Mathematica, Matlab or R, come back and we'll talk.
4. "I wear nerdy glasses." Okay, Lisa Loeb. It's not 1994 anymore. We just call those glasses, now.
5. "I am an actor/actress who-" Stop. Unless you are Mayim Bialik or someone else with a PhD in Neuroscience I don't want to hear how this sentence ends. 
6. "I know HTML." Congratulations! You know the most simple technology behind the world wide web, which, to you, is probably the same as the internet. What's cute is that you probably think that HTML is a programming language, don't you?
7. "I love NPR and the New Yorker!" Let's not confuse intellectual snob with nerd, 'k?
8. "I had a hard time in high-school." So.... you went to high-school, then?
9. "I can be socially awkward." Okay, I know where you are coming from. I how difficult that can be. Now sit down and let's have a talk because there's something I need to share with you. You might be relieved, or you might be disappointed depending on how important being socially awkward is to your identity: everyone is socially awkward sometimes. That's why so many people relate to things like Curb your Enthusiasm, and the MTV show with the unlikely name Awkward, which is about (you guessed it) being awkward. Think you goofed and embarrassed yourself in front of that guy/girl you liked? We've all been there. It hurts. We laugh about it. But it doesn't make us a nerd, because if it did, we'd all be nerds.
10. "I read reddit." Good for you.
11. "I read comic books." Still? Maybe you are a nerd... or just a luddite.
12. "I am obsessed with...." Look, we all have hobbies. Liking blah doesn't make it an obsession, and it doesn't make you a blah nerd. It's something you like, maybe it's even something you enjoy learning about.
13. "I LOVE Joss Whedon." Right, of course. Joss Whedon. Because when you were in high-school you wished you had a rag-tag team of friends with whom you fought something evil that your boyfriend turned into after you slept with him. The truth is this: we all went to high school next to a hellmouth -- that's what made it a great metaphor. But, I know, Joss spoke to you. It was SPECIAL. Just like it was special to millions of others who watched and bought his stuff and, like you, are not nerds. By the way, have you ever seen Star Trek?
14. "I love gadgets, internet stuff and Wired." I admit that many nerds love these things, but many non-nerds do as well. What I'm saying is that a true nerd would very excitedly volunteer their time to make a Venn diagram explaining why this is not proof that you are a nerd. Instead, you wish this were proof that you were a nerd.
15. "I am a Lawyer/Doctor/etc" I accept that you are smart. Maybe even brilliant. But go back to school and get a PhD in psycho-linguistics or something else equally useless and then we'll talk about how much of a nerd you are, because lets face it, you did not become a doctor or lawyer for the sheer intellectual thrill, did you? You probably wanted to make money or help people or something. Nerds do it because they simply can't imagine not learning more about micro-biology. If you think I'm kidding, then you don't even know any nerds.
16. "I know the meaning of 42!" Great. Do you know where your towel is?

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