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A Jew's Post-Game Guide to Easter Candies

Tue, 04/22/2014 - 10:54

A Jew's Post-Game Guide to Easter Candies

Easter is upon us, and — wait, Easter is past us? Well, shit. I can't keep track of your holidays; it's not like Christianity's unrelenting omnipresence in American society makes it impossible not to know when anything of significance is happening with you guys. Meanwhile, people still ask me what the deal is with "that thing with the lights at Christmastime."

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Spot-On Dove Parody Shows Women They're Not Hideous Monsters

Tue, 04/22/2014 - 10:40

After years of being manipulated by their cloying ads presented as real social experiments, many women have finally had enough of Dove's mawkish #TrueBeauty push. Which is why this spot-on parody of the campaign couldn't be more timely.

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The Rules of Fashion and Marriage According to a Ladymag From 1895

Tue, 04/22/2014 - 10:20

The Rules of Fashion and Marriage According to a Ladymag From 1895

For all we associate them with improbable sex tips, stupidly expensive beauty product recommendations and copious Photoshop, it's taken quite some time for the ladymag to evolve into its current incarnation. For comparison, let's consider this Ladies Home Journal from July 1895.

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3 Reasons Affirmative Action Will Be Okay Despite Supreme Decision

Tue, 04/22/2014 - 10:04

3 Reasons Affirmative Action Will Be Okay Despite Supreme Decision

The Supreme Court just ruled that Michigan's ban on government affirmative-action was constitutional. The ruling was 6-2. Yes, there are nine Supreme Court Justices, but Elena Kagan had to recuse herself because she was involved with the case while she was Solicitor General.

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​Miranda Kerr's Debut Single Is Predictably Awful

Tue, 04/22/2014 - 10:00

​Miranda Kerr's Debut Single Is Predictably Awful

Miranda Kerr's long-awaited music debut is here, it's not exactly what you would call bearable. The song, "You're the Boss" is not only a duet with Aussie stage actor Bobby Fox but also a cover of a song popularized by Elvis Presley and Ann-Margaret (though the LaVerne Baker/Jimmy Ricks version is best). So right off the bat, there are some large shoes to fill.

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Prep School Lacrosse Bros Arrested for Alleged Drug Ring

Tue, 04/22/2014 - 09:40

Prep School Lacrosse Bros Arrested for Alleged Drug Ring

Some cool lacrosse-playing prep school graduates from the Philadelphia Main Line were arrested Monday for starting a drug ring after police confiscated "a stockpile" of everything from drugs to guns to money around the Philadelphia region. Good use of a quality education.

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Women Quite Possibly Hate Your Stupid 'Sexy' Car

Tue, 04/22/2014 - 09:20

Women Quite Possibly Hate Your Stupid 'Sexy' Car

Stop stealing pens from your work to resell on Craigslist in hopes of funding that purchase of a sexy new car to attract women. Turns out, women give zero fucks about how "hot" your car is.

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R. Kelly's Housekeeper Sued Him for Sexual Harassment

Tue, 04/22/2014 - 09:00

R. Kelly's Housekeeper Sued Him for Sexual Harassment

R. Kelly may have done something out of the ordinary — for him, anyway. A 2010 lawsuit filed against the singer has surfaced detailing that his 36-year-old housekeeper at the time accused him of sexual harassment. The housekeeper's age puts her out of his usual predatory range of alleged teen victims , but so what? A man can be open to shitty new experiences.

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For One Brief, Shining Moment, New York City Will Get Its Own Cat Cafe

Tue, 04/22/2014 - 08:40

For One Brief, Shining Moment, New York City Will Get Its Own Cat Cafe

A pet food company is opening up a cat cafe in New York City, but cat lovers won't have very long to enjoy it.

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Selena Gomez Deletes Famous Friends From Instagram, Life

Tue, 04/22/2014 - 08:13

Selena Gomez Deletes Famous Friends From Instagram, Life

This is the most intriguing story of all time: after spending a bindi-festooned weekend at Coachella, frolicking to anesthetized alt-rock in fashion trousers with her new friends Kendall and Kylie Jenner, Selena Gomez has deleted all traces of them from her Instagram account and unfollowed them.

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Fantastic: Brian Williams Raps 'Gin and Juice' on The Tonight Show

Tue, 04/22/2014 - 07:35

Those familiar with the depth of esteemed news anchor Brian Williams' work with Jimmy Fallon are no doubt aware that Williams has quite a few hit covers under his belt: The Sugarhill Gang classic, "Rapper's Delight ," Young MC's "Bust a Move ," Warren G. and Nate Dogg's "Regulate ," Dr. Dre's "Nuthin' But a G Thang ," N.W.A.'s "Straight Outta Compton, and "Good Vibrations " by Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch. Here's yet another, courtesy of the mashup geniuses from The Tonight Show.

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Teens Today Watch Mean Girls and Pretty Much Love It

Mon, 04/21/2014 - 22:30

The film that made Lindsay Lohan a household name may be a decade old, but that doesn't mean it hasn't held up really well.

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Survey Finds More Women Taking Charge of DIY Around the House

Mon, 04/21/2014 - 21:30

Survey Finds More Women Taking Charge of DIY Around the House

A new survey shows that more women are becoming "do-it-yourselfers," spending money and time fixing things around the house themselves—GASP—without the aid of a man.

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David Neuman Denies Allegations in Bryan Singer Sex Abuse Lawsuit

Mon, 04/21/2014 - 20:30

David Neuman Denies Allegations in Bryan Singer Sex Abuse Lawsuit

One of the men named in the Bryan Singer sexual abuse lawsuit denied the allegations against him via Twitter on Monday.

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HBO Gets How Weird It Is Watching Game of Thrones With Your Parents

Mon, 04/21/2014 - 19:30

The latest commercials for HBO demonstrate just how freaking awkward it is to sit through a show like Game of Thrones or Girls with your parents, even if your parents are trying to be cool about it.

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A Whole Bunch of People Got Food Poisoning at the Food Safety Summit

Mon, 04/21/2014 - 19:19

A Whole Bunch of People Got Food Poisoning at the Food Safety Summit

The world was gifted with a new definition of irony yesterday with the news that a bunch of people attending a Food Safety Summit had suffered food poisoning.

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Drop Everything and Listen to Corey Feldman's New Single

Mon, 04/21/2014 - 19:00

Oh man, Corey Feldman. Okay. Corey. Okay, man. Sooooooo, Corey Feldman has a new single! It's called "Mercy," and it features Brandon Howard—the guy who claims to maybe be Michael Jackson's secret son, but also maybe not, and also it doesn't matter either way because he's just a man trying to make his way in the world—and on the cover art he's crucified on a star of David and also there's a pretty sick menorah and a prescription symbol(?) and some other religious stuff, because this is an interdenominational (and pharmacist-inclusive) jam.

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Boy Scouts Revoke Church Charter Over Support of Gay Scoutmaster

Mon, 04/21/2014 - 18:52

Boy Scouts Revoke Church Charter Over Support of Gay Scoutmaster

The Boy Scouts of America organisation has revoked the charter of a Seattle area church after it refused to remove a scoutmaster for being gay.

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Diablo Cody Invented a New Beauty Term

Mon, 04/21/2014 - 18:40

Diablo Cody Invented a New Beauty Term

In today's Tweet Beat, Diablo Cody should have written for Teen Beat, Ellen Page has great workout tips and Evan Rachel Wood and Jamie Bell are nauseatingly sweet together.

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