In today's Tweet Beat, Ariana Grande feels like "a big sleepwalking anus," Alan Cumming finds himself smack in the middle of being middle-aged and Ice T doles out some relationship advice.
Last night on The Colbert Report, host and self-professed feminist Stephen Colbert recognized — in honor of Women's History Month —"that society has intrinsically linked a woman's value to her outward appearance and thereby undermining her status and strengthening the patriarchal hegemony." For his revelation, Colbert was immediately honored with a Master's Degree in Women's Studies from Wellesley.
Welcome back to Selfie Loathing. Every Friday we round up celebrity Instagrams so we can watch what happens when star turn the cameras on themselves. This week: Lena Dunham's chilling with the ladies of SNL; Joan Rivers is dining on Cheetos and Champagne; Drew Barrymore is making pasta from scratch and January Jones has Girl Scout cookies. Enjoy.
BLESSED BE. It's finally here, the moment you've been waiting your whole life for: Lindsay Lohan will be penning a memoir about her life and times. Ladies and gentleman, we have an early contender for the Best Book of the Decade (sorry, Kendall and Kylie Jenner's dystopian young adult novel , you'll have to settle for second place).
The annual Conservative Political Action Conference, which functions kind of like a Gathering of the Juggalos for Rick Santorum superfans, is currently underway in Washington. Also underway? CPAC attendees placing ads for gay casual encounters on Craigslist. Maybe.
The Sigma Alpha Epsilon fraternity has a long and storied history of shitty antics at many of its chapters nationwide. This year, however, they've faced heightened scrutiny, which ultimately led to them being labeled the "deadliest " fraternity by Bloomberg News. The bad press apparently escalated so much that SAE decided to cut their pledge process all together, a decision they're calling "historic."
It's Friday, people, and what better way is there to celebrate than by watching Sesame Street's take on Les Misérables?
The internet is rife with opportunities to take your dick out and swing it around on forums where users don't have to post under their real names. Unfortunately, if you're a public official taking advantage of the internet's illusion of anonymity to commit some major ethical faux pas, it doesn't take many carelessly dropped personal details before dogged political opponents with a modicum of savvy to come for you.
It's an old cliché, but one that persists. Why do women take so long in the bathroom?
Happy Friday, weekend warriors!!! If you're like me, you're looking to leave the boss-man behind and kick back with the family, a blockbuster hit, and a six-pack of Mike's Hard tonight. And what better way to relax than via the brand new live-action Animaniacs movie directed by Lars von Trier?! Animaniac purists might find the movie a bit off-canon—it really shows another side of Yakko (pretty much what I expected from Wakko, tho)—but for nostalgic children of the '80s hoping to introduce their children to the idea that sex is punishment, life is suffering, women are hollow carcasses, and Harry Truman was a weird little human, it's a CAN'T-MISS.
American Apparel shows off yet another nearly naked woman, this time in the name of fair labor practices. Because boobs and decent pay for a day's work are completely corollary. (Excuse me while I check my breasts and look for a paycheck to fall from the sky.) The company's newest ad features an actual employee named Maks who has worked for the company since 2010 and is from Dhaka, Bangladesh.
Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Police in Pontiac, Michigan have discovered the body of a woman in the garage of her home where experts say she's been lying dead for at least four years. All of her organs have decomposed, but her skin remains intact, essentially leaving her mummified. Those were the gruesome bits and now onto the really sad part: No one realized the woman had passed because she had little-to-no family and all of her bills were set to auto-pay.
While I'm not particularly familiar with self-described "Bad Boy"/author Steve Santagati, he's apparently famous enough to have warranted a spot as a guest host on The View Friday. Santagati used his platform to expound on whether women are funny and to tell Susan Sarandon how miraculously hot she is for someone of her age.
Like Backstreet Boys and Boys II Men before her, Amy Poehler has become an official spokesperson for Old Navy. Her ad — which is now airing on television — is charming and funny, much like Poehler herself. That said, is it enough? Of course, it's not and because of that, Old Navy has been nice enough to release the commercial's very delightful outtakes.
Last month, Congress passed a bill that would reduce federal spending by $8.6 billion over the next decade, and it's pretty atrocious. You might be saying to yourself: isn't saving money a good thing? Well, you haven't heard about the (not in any way) surprising catch: in order to do so, the bill basically completely fucks over poor people. SHOCKING PLOT TWIST!
The daughter of Oklahoma's governor, Christina Fallin, is taking well-deserved heat for posting a picture of herself in a Native American headdress on Instagram.
Let's get straight to the point: Some wit is carrying around cutouts of Leonardo DiCaprio, snapping pics at sights around New York City and documenting their rambles together on an Instagram account called "My Day With Leo." It is brilliant.
What if I told you there was ancient folk remedy that could improve your oral health, provide incredible detox benefits and also fix a bajillion other things wrong with you right this very minute, except you have to swish oil in your mouth every day for like 20 minutes? Eh? Yay? Maybe? Intrigued? Me too. Let's talk about "oil pulling," the thing everyone and their uncle is blogging about.
A digital media campaign highlighting the life of black students at Harvard has drawn tens of thousands of views on Tumblr and other outlets.
Scientists have finally quit goofing around with all that cancer-research and time travel nonsense and moved on to working on something actually important—orgasms.