We've thrown a lot of Emmy attendees at you in the past few days, and we know you must have thoughts about which one of them shone the brightest, and which one lagged in the deepest depths of tragic fuggery....

Thank you for coming along with us on this journey through the glories of Beverly Hills 90210 on this most holy of days -- a day that literally came but once in our lifetime. Okay, twice, if you happened to...

In case you've ever wondered why drugs are really that bad:I rest my case. And in case you've ever wondered why bangs can be dangerous: I double-rest my case. Honestly, in choosing between Emily Valentine Spikes Brandon's Drink With U4EA...

Sure, I like Julianna Margulies's Emmy dress:Do I LIKE like it? I don't know. But someone else does:...

KELLY: Listen, Brenda, don't give me that look. I didn't tell you to wear giant opera gloves with our dress. It's not MY fault you're over-accessorized.BRENDA: Kelly. It's the '90s. EVERYONE was over-accessorized. You're UNDER-ACCESSORIZED.KELLY: How dare you?BRENDA; Besides, Kelly,...

I assume that whatever the answer was to my anguished query about why Stephanie Pratt was at the Emmys, it also applies to Lo Bosworth:But nothing will appropriately explain to me why they had to go and do that to...

DAVID: OMG! I love today! Finally, I get to wear my purple striped jams with my matching bowling shirt! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Drink it in, David. Drink it in. Today is so precious to me. Is it precious to you, Brenda?BRENDA: Shut...

DAVID: OMG! I love today! Finally, I get to wear my purple striped jams with my matching bowling shirt! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Drink it in, David. Drink it in. Today is so precious to me. Is it precious to you, Brenda?BRENDA: Shut...

I have long thought that if I were to be kidnapped by a weird, fashion-focused terrorist (so, Cojo) and put through a series of questions designed to prove my red carpet knowledge as the only route to freedom, the one...

"Hello, I'm Donna Martin, and I'm wearing a necktie.""Also, I hate my hair. It's dry, my roots are awful, and frankly, I have three pounds of AquaNet in it right now. If it falls down, it will land so hard...

Seriously, this site has totally prepared me for parenthood, as it has made me bellow, "Girl, STAND UP STRAIGHT," countless times at my monitor. Case in point:Sometimes, it's the dress that does the girl no favors, but in this case...

STEVE: Hello, ladies. I'm sixteen. No, really, it's true. I know I have the patchy wisps of a thirty-something Hair Club client in a 'before' photo, but I promise you, I am sixteen where it counts.BRANDON: STEVE, buddy, what did...

I've developed a new Big Bang theory.Specifically, that a House of Caftans store exploded near Kaley Cuoco's apartment, and the resulting explosion sent tons of tiny wee caftan particles into the ether -- which all eventually cooled and hardened and...

DONNA: David, you look confused.DAVID: Well, I just noticed you're wearing an ice-skating costume tucked into your pants. DONNA: David, are you new? I'm a VIRGIN. I like to wear WHITE THINGS. Sometimes that means dressing like I'm in You Will...

I tried, Pam. I tried.The color is nice on you! It is! But it looks like you gathered together a bunch of kids' glockenspiels and nailed the pieces to your torso. If I walked up you with a mallet, I...

"Oh, God. Dad sold me to a polygamist cult.""Oh, God. I'm a total wussypants.""Oh, God. I'm David Silver."...

Oh, Jayma. And we were doing SO WELL.A good rule of thumb is, never wear anything that might inadvertently threaten the job of your waxer....

DONNA: Hee hee hee.KELLY: HA!DONNA: Hilarious!KELLY: I am never going to live this down.DONNA: I know! Your earrings are so smallKELLY: I... wait, what? I'm wearing either a jean jacket with sheer sleeves or a denim vest over a sheer...

In some ways Glenn Close is the Helen Mirren of TV: She looks great, she's still doing awesome work, and she frequently nails it on the red carpet.Frequently, as in, not always.This just looks like a giant painter's tarp --...

BRENDA: I don't believe it. KELLY: You're kidding me, right?DONNA: I'm a virgin. So I like my underwear long and my turtlenecks high. BRENDA: It's seriously September 2, 2010?KELLY: As in, 9.02.10?BRENDA: Right. Next you'll tell me there are flying cars. KELLY: And...