Once you do, you’ll have them eating out of your paw. Or at the very least, bringing the eats right to you.
We’re Pozitive about this one.
My name is Disco. I’m a parakeet. Bird to your mother. Discooooo! What seems to be the problem officer? I am not a crook. There’s the cat. Meow! Meow!
He had us at Discoooooo, MsJumpinJude
The first to speak was Nyquil of Eärewygge, the council elder. “They are but children,” sneered he, stroking his flowing white beard. “Are we to entrust our most sacred quest to the like of these quibullous squatlings?”

“Poppyrot and balderstuff!” roared Hieronymous Thalidomide. “Small they may be, but large in spirit, ’tis plain to see. Their valor shall make proud this council.”

“Besides,” added Gleevec Beaverbalm, “they’re just going to the delicatessen.”

Via Catbeards on Tumblr and also Reddit.
As Apple CEO Tim Cook deftly parried attacks on his company for avoiding paying billions in taxes before Congress Tuesday, we could be forgiven for heaving a collective sigh, part resignation and part resentment. Of course the big fish get away with tax shenanigans that the rest of us don’t. It’s one more reason to hate the IRS, after the agency’s targeting of Tea Party groups for intrusive questioning.
Just before he died, Steve Jobs told his biographer Walter Isaacson about his dream for revolutionizing television. His fantasy device would control all the many doodads that crowd your living room—DVRs, game consoles, Blu-ray players—and would connect to the vast world of entertainment available online. Best of all, it would be drop-dead simple to control—no more futzing with the Input button to switch between different kinds of content, no more fiddling with different remotes to control your devices. “It will have the simplest user interface you could imagine,” Jobs said. “I finally cracked it.”
Few albums this year have been more eagerly awaited than Daft Punk’s Random Access Memories, the French duo’s first studio album in eight years. A 15-second clip of the first single, “Get Lucky,” led to an avalanche of YouTube homages, loops, and remixes from fans desperate to make a meal from any bone Daft Punk tossed in their direction. “Get Lucky” was released in full last month, and the breezy, infectious disco hit seemed to be a good omen. But after the mountains of advance hype piled on Random Access Memories, the album itself—a wildly ambitious, slow-burning ’70s-style colossus that you can’t really dance to—came as a surprise. To some, it was a huge disappointment.
At least 24 people are dead after a powerful tornado tore through Moore, Okla., Monday. “Numerous neighborhoods were completely leveled,” Sgt. Gary Knight of the Oklahoma City Police Department told the New York Times. According to Moore resident Ricky Stover, the twister even tore open his locked cellar door. Is anywhere safe in such a powerful tornado?
Rule #1: Goldie puppehs are simply awe-inspiring cute.
Rule #2: They’re even cuter when their little fur-bellahs jiggle back and forth with hiccups.
WHAT? U WANT A FAVE FRAME OF -THAT LOOK- AT :39?

Sent in by several Cuteporters, including DC B.!
Currently, 24 people are confirmed dead after a tornado swept through Moore, Okla., on Monday, leaving devastation in its wake. If the death toll goes unchanged, the tornado will rank as the 37th most deadly since 1950, according to historical data from the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, mapped above. The map includes a 1953 tornado that killed 94; a 1953 tornado that killed 116; the more recent 2011 Joplin, Mo., tornado, which killed 158; and the 1999 tornado that also struck Moore, Okla., killing 36.
When the sky falls, When it crumbles,

Rudy Rebecca S., Ground Squirrels, Corgnelius at Izismile, Lyrics by Adele.
This may come as a surprise to you, but I don’t typically think much about Hootie & the Blowfish, at least not any more than I think about the Spin Doctors, Sister Hazel, or G-Love & Special Sauce. Which is to say, I don’t think about them at all. Sure, I bought Hootie’s first album, Cracked Rear View, when I was 10 years old, and this, without question, was a positive experience. I listened to that improbably catchy single, “Hold My Hand,” on repeat, and I grinned and sang along and, overcome with the religious ecstasy of a gospel-inspired chorus, may have even danced a reckless, unironic jig. Then somebody told me it was 1994; apparently Hootie was about as cool as a pair of neon rollerblades; and I was left with little choice but to publicly sacrifice the album in front of my friends. We played hockey with the CD in the schoolyard, but not before I wrote, “this band sucks rockets” on the cover.
How does a company earn almost $30 billion over four years with no employees and no physical office? That’s the miraculous tale of Apple Operations International, an Ireland-based shell company established by Apple for the purpose of making profits disappear from the prying eyes of the tax man. Every large international firm has lots of fungible money, and tax law varies substantially from place to place, so companies shift that money around in tricky ways to minimize taxes. Viewed from the United States, Apple Operations International looks like an appalling tax dodge. The company, such as it is, is not registered in the United States, so the IRS can’t tax it even though it has no employees, no physical presence in Ireland, and has held 32 of its last 33 board meetings in Cupertino, Calif. Viewed from Ireland, it also looks like an appalling dodge. It’s exempt from Irish taxation, too, on the grounds that it’s not managed in Ireland.
Just watch.
Thanks to all the Cuteporters who sent this in.
A massive tornado struck the city of Moore, Okla., on Monday, killing dozens of people, with many still missing. Before Monday’s disaster, the Oklahoma City suburb was struck by major tornadoes in 1998, 1999, 2003, and 2010. Is there something about Moore that attracts twisters?
Hope you find some truffles in there!

Lulu really takes the cake, SanctuaryOne.org
A tornado devastated parts of Oklahoma City on Monday, twisting schools, hospitals, and neighborhoods into rubble and killing dozens of people. Tornado Alley is a dangerous place to live. Considering all the tornadoes, hurricanes, fires, and floods that afflict the United States, what is the safest place to live? Wyoming? Maine? West Virginia? Slate crunched the numbers in 2005. The original story is below.
Yesterday’s devastating tornado in Oklahoma spun through the heart of “Tornado Alley.” In 2011, Explainer asked how and when this region got its name, especially since some of the deadliest tornadoes take place outside its boundaries. The original story is below.