We've thrown a lot of Emmy attendees at you in the past few days, and we know you must have thoughts about which one of them shone the brightest, and which one lagged in the deepest depths of tragic fuggery....

Acne's tranvestite shirts.

• Acne made three androgynous shirts they say are specifically targeted to transvestites and cross-dressers. [Vogue UK]

• Dolce & Gabbana on its split with British store Selfridges: “Given the unavailability in Selfridges stores of ideal spaces which could fit with Dolce & Gabbana and D&G brands’ levels and expectations, the group decided to discontinue the distribution of both brands’ collections through the department store. This decision is consistent with the group’s constant work to always ensure the best expression of brand and to preserve its image.” [WWD]

• A former Vogue intern is turning to eBay to sell back issues of the magazine that she apparently took from the office when she worked there. Oh, the lunch stipend wasn't payment enough? [Fashionista]

• When Rafael Nadal got his hair cut at the Julien Farel salon, salon employees stole the trimmings off the floor. [Page Six/NYP]

• Karl Lagerfeld is designing a capsule collection for Hogan, which is set to launch October 2. [Vogue UK]

• Alexa Chung on her entrepreneurial ambitions: “I’d really like to do a Spice Girls restaurant. We can call it Spice Up Your Life. It can have Spice Girl memorabilia everywhere and serve curry.” [Daily Candy]

• Kirsty Hume stars in a series of viral videos for Agent Provocateur, in which she orders around a male model wearing manties and bunny ears. [WWD]

• Tennis player Jelena Jankovic played Ping-Pong with Stuart Weitzman at his showroom on Tuesday to warm up for their match on Fashion's Night Out. [Page Six/NYP]

• What does it take for an ad to be banned? Here's a roundup of this year's fashion ads that have been axed from billboards for their racy content. [Guardian UK]

Filed Under: loose threads, acne, agent provocateur, alexa chung, designers, dolce & gabbana, hogan, jelena jankovic, karl lagerfeld, kirsty hume, models, rafael nadal, selfridges, stuart weitzman, vogue

This blog was inspired by a friend who asked me to help him to purchase a suit. Clothes, fabric, style and design are attached to my DNA, so to speak. The kind of DNA I'm referring to is Design, Nuance and Attractiveness. These three characteristics are what make any clothing item truly desirable. In addition, they can affect how the wearer feels in an item of clothing.

When I was a lad I used to visit my father's tailoring shop every Sunday, which was located smack in the middle of Brick Lane, east London. In those days the street was the epicentre of London Jewry. It was littered with kosher butchers, fabric emporiums, bakeries and a Yiddish theatre. Dad's shop, "Russell Sinclair," named after my middle name and his partner's son's middle name, struck a distinctive note where the shop front awnings were occupied by Rosenberg, Levy, Shmulovitch and Bernstein.

Dad instinctively knew how to design a pair of trousers that would look great and as importantly, felt great to wear. He intuitively knew how to cut a precise pattern for them and did so with flair and apparent ease. Many years ago I recall walking along Kings Road, Chelsea, wearing a pair of green gabardine bell bottoms my father made for me. Strangers approached me, asking where I had purchased my trousers. They were that good. Had it not been for the choice of fabric, the cut and fit, they would have been just another pair of ordinary trousers. Whenever I wore them I felt confident, stylish and as if I was just a little special. That's how well designed clothes can make you feel. They can lift your spirits and buoy your self confidence.

Nuance is not something on which our current culture seems to focus, particularly when it comes to fashion and clothing design. However, nuance is critical in any design that is likely to have longevity, be that a building or a suit. One of the dictionary's synonyms for nuance is "refinement", a perfect description for the kind of attire I'm referring to. And when one wears clothes that are refined, that's exactly how we feel - refined. Furthermore, when we act and communicate in a refined fashion, the combination of that inner and outer refinement is a winning formula; it also promotes feelings of greater self esteem.

In order for anything to have the word attractiveness attributed to it, it must have eye appeal which is produced primarily by visual stimuli. This is often prompted by a gut feeling - you see something and for reasons you can't explain, you are drawn to it. On the day I helped my friend to buy a suit my eye was taken by a single sleeve that hung in the middle of about a dozen others. The way the fabric of the sleeve almost glistened, its iridescence, drew me to it. The sleeve draped softly the way quality fabrics tend to, that's when I knew that my friend would look great in it and feel great wearing it. And as soon as he tried the jacket on and felt the soft fabric slip over his shoulders, he smiled. When he looked at the jacket in the mirror, his smile widened, he stood straighter, held his head higher and we both knew he'd found his suit. It was as if the DNA of the suit matched his DNA.

Here's how you can find a good DNA match:

Design:

• Look for simplicity. Less is more.

• Avoid additional design features, such as zips that don't work or additional buttons that have no practical use.

• If you don't feel you have an eye for clothes design, find something else that resonates with you visually and use those elements to inform your clothing choices.

Nuance:

• If any clothing item you try on says more about the clothing than about you, think again.



• If you decide to enlist the help of a Personal Shopper, be sure she or he feels, looks and sounds right for you.



• If the item looks as though it's of the moment or trendy, know that it won't have longevity.

Attractiveness:

• If you feel as though you are more attractive when you try on a new clothing item, it's an indication that you are making a good choice.



• When your eye is almost magnetically drawn to something, acknowledge that and investigate further.



• Be open to new visual experiences, which at first may seem different, yet are likely to widen your ideas about what you find visually attractive.

Read more: Clothing, Self Esteem, Boost Self Confidence, Dna, Self Confidence, Design, Intuition, Fashion, Tailors, Confidence, Style News

NEW YORK — Lanvin will be the next high-fashion house to become a partner of fast-fashion retailer H&M.

The joint collection, featuring womenswear and menswear, will go on sale Nov. 20 in North America and then to the rest of the world three days later.

Read more: H, Fashion, Style News

Vogue Editor-in-Chief Anna Wintour and designer Marc Jacobs stopped by "Late Night with Jimmy Fallon" on Wednesday and, first things first, Marc looked great! He had a full head of beautiful hair and donned one of his signature kilts. Anyway, Anna got to talking about May's Met Costume Institute Gala and Lady Gaga's delayed performance. Anna explained that Gaga "was communing with God and she was praying in the back, waiting for God to tell her it was alright to go actually onstage."

WATCH:

Read more: Late Night With Jimmy Fallon, Video, Lady GaGa, Fashion, Anna Wintour, Jimmy Fallon, Style News

We already knew Tim Gunn's new book "Gunn's Golden Rules" was packed with fashion world gossip after we read an excerpt in June revealing that Anna Wintour's bodyguards carry her down stairs...but what else does Gunn have to say? The New York Daily News talked to the "Project Runway" mentor about what else is in the pages. In the book, Gunn takes on designer Isaac Mizrahi, calling him a spoiled snob. He explained to the Daily News, "Oh, please, I was so kind to him. I mean, I wouldn't have the words to describe some of the more abhorrent behavior. He really is a terrible, terrible, terrible person."

But "Gunn's Golden Rules" also serves as an autobiography and Gunn discusses his own sexuality. He came to terms with being gay in his 20s, but hasn't had sex since he ended a terrible relationship decades ago. According to Gunn, "I wanted to say that, whether you're gay or straight, you can live a celibate life and be perfectly satisfied and happy."

Read more: Tim Gunn, Gunn's Golden Rules, Tim Gunn Book, Fashion, Style News

Majestic Mills, the company that owns Nicole Richie's Winter Kate clothing label is suing well-known Los Angeles boutique Kitson, the New York Daily News reports. Majestic Mills claims Kitson has $230,000-worth of clothes but hasn't paid Richie for them. Kitson director of operations Dean Khial admitted to the Daily News that the store did spend $250,000 on Winter Kate items but says that they've been trying to send $200,000 back. A Kitson rep was quick to point out that Richie has nothing to do with the lawsuit. But another rep told Toofab.com, "They not only failed to provide the launch and personal appearance by Nicole Richie, they shipped inferior goods, wrong sizes and the shipments were late."

Khial also talked to WWD, saying, "We are very cautious with celebrity lines since we have learned from the mistakes of celebrity lines past such as Victoria Beckham's dVb and Lauren Conrad's Lauren Conrad Collection. Not every movie will be a blockbuster--even if it looks great on paper, it takes hard work and great retail partnerships to make these celebrity clothing lines blockbusters." He also said that Kitson would countersue Winter Kate for breach of contract.

Read more: Nicole Richie, Fashion, Kitson, Nicole Richie Winter Kate, Nicole Richie Kitson, Style News

The fashion industry (or is it the media?) might be pushing us into fall, but it's still summer on the streets of New York! So how come I can't find a swimsuit? Press play and come along on a search for swimwear and answers.

Read more: Fashion Calendar, Julie Gilhart, Swimsuit Shopping, Fast Fashion, Barneys, New Media, Fashion, New York Fashion, Closettour, Style News

Update: Gawker might have uncovered some gay porn made by Gruber.

Previously: Does Calvin Klein have a new boyfriend? Gawker has finally put its finger on something that the fashion community has been wondering about all summer, since around May, when the 67-year-old Klein started showing up to events with Nicholas Gruber, a 20-year-old model. Gawker determined that Nick is "from Crystal River, Florida, graduated high school last year, and is currently enrolled at Santa Rosa Junior College north of San Francisco. He's friends with the general assortment of young ladies and hot gay guys one would expect of a handsome young dude. But he's also friends with a gay pornographer named Blue Blake." Interesting. And apparently, Page Six called Gruber Klein's "partner" in its print edition last week. While the Gruber rumors are just speculation, Klein does have a history with men. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Check out some pictures from Klein and Gruber's possible summer of love.

Read more: Nicholas Gruber, Fashion, Nick Gruber, Slidepollajax, Calvin Klein Boyfriend, Calvin Klein, Style News

Update: Vogue UK has posted a gallery of Day's most iconic images and covers. Click here to view it (some images NSFW).

Previously: Photographer Corinne Day passed away on Friday at the age of 45 due to a brain tumor, the Guardian UK reports. (Editor's note: while the Guardian UK reports Day was 48, her website says she was born in 1965.) She is widely credited with discovering Kate Moss and shooting the July 1990 Face cover featuring the then-16-year-old Moss. At the time, Day refused to retouch the images, remarking as a former model she hated being made "into someone I wasn't. I wanted to go in the opposite direction."



According to Grazia:

For three years the photographer and her model muse were inseparable; even living together in Day's Soho flat. Previously specialising in reportage photography, Day would endlessly shoot Moss, and her habit of documenting every candid, intimate or mundane moment undoubtedly contributed to the young model becoming so relaxed on camera - and in her distinctive, girl-next-door looks.

StyleList UK writes that Day was "a regular contributor to British, Japanese and Italian Vogue":

In 2000, she published Diary, a controversial book of photographs that chronicled the lives of her friends through the trials and tribulations of youth, including drug addiction, through to early adulthood. Her work has also been exhibited in a number of galleries, including the Victoria & Albert Museum, Tate Modern, Saatchi Gallery, The Design Museum, Photographers Gallery, and Gimpel Fils London.

Day grew up in Ichenham, West London and was raised by her "nan." Before getting into photography, she posed for cameras in the US, Australia and Japan. She is survived by her partner Mark Szaszy. A funeral will reportedly be held on Friday, September 3 in Buckinghamshire.

Read more: Photography, Corinne Day, Fashion, Corinne Day Dies, Corinne Day Dead, Style News

Designer Donna Karan has long been vocal about her contempt for the fashion calendar. Before a panel in February she shared her solution for the misaligned deliveries and seasons, saying:

"It's very simple, we just stop. It is not nuclear science, it's really simple. We deliver Fall clothes in August like back-to-school, we change the calendar, we go to stores and say, 'Okay, no more getting Fall clothes in July or June so they're on sale in September when the weather hasn't changed. We have to go into a system where we're talking in-season. It's the way we eat, it's the way we dress, it's the way we think. We've conditioned the consumer to buy on sale -- I don't want to buy it full price because I can buy it on sale...We've turned our business into the white sale business."

So we are taking Karan's latest statement about fashion shows seriously. She told WWD she'd be open to sending models down the runway in Times Square on New Year's Eve. Karan remarked, "We could celebrate in season. In this economy, why confuse the customer?" We'll mark our calendars! Dibs on a front row seat.

Read more: Donna Karan Fashion, Fashion, Donna Karan, Style News

No time to page through thousands of eBay listings? Then just sneak a peek at my weekly eBay Roundup of Top Vintage Clothing Finds.

This eclectic mix of designer and non-designer vintage clothing and accessories caught my discerning eye for their uniqueness, their contemporary feel and their highly collectible nature.

As always, buyer beware! Be sure to read the listings closely and contact the sellers with any questions.

This week's finds include pieces by Christian Dior, YSL and Oscar de la Renta. Be sure to check out the fab 1960s tote and the dead stock Pucci 2-piece nightwear set.

Which item is your favorite? Leave a comment below and let me know.

GET READY, GET SET, BID!!!

CLICK IMAGE FOR MORE INFORMATION

Vintage 1960s Canvas and Leather Tote Bag (cotton-love) | Vintage 1970s Goldworm Knit Secretary Dress (booboopeedoo) | Vintage 1980s Draped Cutout Dress (mokoko) | Vintage Modernist Bracelet (urbantiques) | Vintage Chiffon and Lace Peignoir Robe (helenheven) | Vintage YSL Necklace (joyas78) | Vintage 1980s Red and Khaki Trench Coat (thefamilyvintage) | Vinage 1920s Patterned Sheath Dress with Kimono-esque Sleeves (heartnsoul1) | Vintage 1960s Vera Dress (mintmallstore) | Vintage Oscar de la Renta Velvet Coat (allciaw2688) | Vintage Christian Dior Mink Stole (rodor) | Vintage Pucci Cotton Scarf (sleepysheepshop) | Vintage Gucci Bangle Bezel Watch (av619) | Vintage 1980s Silk Beaded Evening Coat (thefamilyvintage) | Vintage 1970s Judith Leiber Leather Clutch (fabienhoban) | Vintage Dead Stock Emilio Pucci for Formfit Rogers 2-piece Nightwear Set (elrodeo13) | (Disclosure: Editorial selections are made by Zuburbia with no direct promotional consideration from Bay sellers. Zuburbia is a member of the eBay Partner Network).

(To receive the eBay Roundup via email, sign up for the mailing list here. Your information will never be sold or shared and you can easily unsubscribe at any time.)

Read more: Vera, Ysl, Style, Vintage Clothing, Vintage, Gucci, Yves Saint Laurent, Goldworm, Fashion, Oscar De La Renta, Dior, Pucci, Style News

Marchesa designer Georgina Chapman and her husband, film producer Harvey Weinstein, have welcomed a baby girl into the world, Page Six reports. Georgina gave birth Sunday night to India Pearl Weinstein, according to friends. One friend also remarked, "Let's all hope she looks like Georgina."

This is Georgina's first child and Weinstein's fourth and the couple married in 2007. Georgina is known to dress Hollywood's most famous starlets and clothed both Kim Kardashian and Heidi Klum for Sunday night's Emmys.

Read more: Georgina Chapman Daughter, Fashion, Harvey Weinstein, Georgina Chapman, Style News

I've written before about the myriad of hopes and expectations many of us placed on President Obama's shoulders following his election. Our wish list ran the gamut from the policy arena -- will he save the economy -- to the arena of race. This perhaps, more than any other is the domain in which our expectations were the most unrealistic and unfair both to him, and to ourselves. After all, he's not a genie in a bottle granting wishes and you can't solve three centuries of tragedy and conflict in one presidential administration. But that didn't stop many of us from wishing nonetheless. Would we begin to see more black elected officials? Would we begin to see more black CEOs of Fortune 500 companies? Would we see more black boys embrace education as a more viable path to success than the NBA? The answer to all of the above, so far, unfortunately appears to be no.* But one area in which "The Obama Effect" just might be having an affect is the world of fashion.

Despite the fact that we spend nearly $20 billion a year on clothes, in both editorial layouts and on runways, black women have long been treated like the red headed stepchild of the fashion industry. A 2008 article in the UK paper The Independent blew the lid off of the level of racism and discrimination that has continued to permeate the global fashion industry, even as the rest of the world begins to embrace a more multicultural future. According to its findings, a typical 362-page issue of Marie Claire had eight total photos of black women in it while a 312-page issue of Glamour had four. The New York Times recently exposed the practice of numerous modeling agencies and scouts exclusively recruiting new models from the parts of Brazil with the whitest ethnic makeup.

The lack of black models used for both fashion campaigns, advertisements and runway shows is such a widely acknowledged, and unfortunately accepted reality, that even those black models who have "made it," so to speak, have spoken out about the issue. Among them are supermodel Naomi Campbell and former model and agent Bethann Hardison, who spearheaded a series of roundtable discussions on the lack of diversity in fashion here in the industry's capital of Manhattan. But perhaps the greatest acknowledgment that there is a problem came in 2008, when Italian Vogue published an all black issue; an issue that would not have been necessary if many of the models featured were working regularly in any of Vogue's other incarnations. (For the record, the special issue sold out around the world. So clearly there was an audience for it.)

Now for those of you tempted to draw analogies to the NBA for instance, keep in mind that professional sports are based on objective criteria. If you make the basket or touchdown then eventually your race becomes irrelevant which is why sports that were originally all white like baseball were able to diversify once the Jackie Robinson's of the world were given a chance to show what they could do. The problem with fashion is that besides needing to be tall and thin, it's entirely subjective but you can't even get your foot in the door unless a few gatekeepers let you in. But so far many of fashion's gatekeepers have not shown a propensity for diversity.

An analysis published on the Huffington Post last year noted that some foreign designers specify that no black models ("no raggaze di colore") be sent to their castings, while high profile American designers like Vera Wang and Nicole Miller have held recent shows featuring more than 30 models without a single one of them being a black model. Some American designers not only excluded black models but models of color, period. This lack of diversity has not only been found on the runways and inside of magazines, but on covers too.

The industry's reigning queen, Anna Wintour, admitted the role that race plays in the choice for cover models for her magazine and others, saying in a 1997 interview that:

The colour of a cover-model's skin dramatically affects news stand sales. Although it is rare for an issue of Vogue to go without one or more black models featured prominently inside, black models appear less often than I, and many of you, would like on Vogue's covers.

So when it was announced that actress Halle Berry had snagged the coveted cover of the September issue of Vogue magazine, I was not the only one who erupted with glee. I traded e-mails and Twitter messages with ecstatic friends who, like myself, all vowed to buy multiple copies. The reason? Because the September issue is the most financially important of any fashion magazine and women of color almost never appear on it. In fact, Berry was the first woman of color to do so in twenty years. She acknowledged the significance of the cover by explaining that while she has turned down recent interview requests, she agreed to Vogue's because:

What that means for a woman of color and what that means in the fashion world, what that means to pop culture, there was no way I could say, 'No, I'm not going to be on the biggest issue of the year.'

But that was not the only good news for we fashionistas of color. It turns out that the September issue of W magazine also has a black model, Yaya DaCosta, prominently featured in a group photo on its September cover. Which got me wondering: have the tides officially begun to turn in the fashion world and if so, what or whom has begun to rock the boat? Well, I have a theory.

It's worth noting that Italian Vogue's all black edition was published when "Yes We Can" fever was reaching a fever pitch in during the presidential primaries. It's also worth noting that since President Obama's election Vogue has not only featured women of color on its cover, but for the first time in my recollection two black women in a row were featured on its cover when Beyonce, followed First Lady Michelle Obama.

Vogue's Anna Wintour recently hosted a celebrity-studded fundraiser for President Obama, and it was not the first time. During the 2008 election she raised funds for his campaign at an A-list gala featuring the First Lady. (Perhaps the prez has replaced Roger Federer as Wintour's primary non-romantic crush.) I'd really love to know what the leader of the free world and the high priestess of fashion talked about at this recent soiree. Part of me wonders if the president mentioned how gorgeous his wife looked on her Vogue cover, and then maybe, just maybe, he gently suggested to Wintour that she and the rest of Vogue, "keep it up."



*Note: Though dropout rates among black boys have continued to rise in recent years, a Vanderbilt study did document the elimination of the achievement gap between black and white students during key moments of Obama's presidential run.

This piece originally appeared on TheLoop21.com for which Goff is a political blogger.

Read more: Vogue Magazine, Racism, Fashion, Vogue, Anna Wintour, Style News

Plain Jane is a new summer reality series which I hosted. Each of the six episodes featured a new "Jane" searching for the change of a lifetime. The "Jane" of the week received a head-to-toe style transformation, including a new wardrobe and confidence-building exercises.

The show went beyond outward appearances to give all women the chance to make her romantic dreams come true. Once the transformation was complete, "Jane" surprised her unsuspecting crush with her new look and revealed her true feelings to him. A love connection is -- or isn't -- made.

My tips...

1. Believe in your best bits. 'Plain Jane' is not about changing people or telling them they're rubbish. It's a positive message, which involves accentuating and tweaking assets - and we've all got at least one. So whether it's your legs, your laugh, or your intricate knowledge of old movies, celebrate that thing and push it out there for all to see. Don't be shy.


2. Look in the mirror naked. To dress your body, you need to know your body, and few of us are aware what specific shape we are. Are you top heavy? Apple? Pear? Column or hourglass? Wherever your flesh goes in and out, there are garments in the mall designed to specifically suit your shape. 'Will it work on my figure,' should be your first thought when shopping, as opposed to being distracted trend, color, price, fabric or which celebrity last wore it in the gossip magazines.


3. Buy the boy a drink. Women rarely buy the first drink, and chances are he'll be flattered. Don't be an aggressive cougar about it, but casually offering a beer to the guy you've got your eye on is a refreshing change from the usual motion of waiting for him to make the first move.


4. Enjoy yourself. As simple as that sounds, many of us worry so much about how we look, what we should be saying, and what everyone thinks of us that we look staged or uptight and forget to enjoy the moment. Fashion and dates are supposed to be fun, they're not life-threatening diseases, so just relax and have a laugh. You've only got one life, time to live it.


5. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. One part of the show involves me making each 'Jane' tell her crush how she truly feels about him. Sometimes there's a lot at stake - like 6 years of friendship or having to share an office with him afterwards. But not one girl regretted doing it. It was like a weight off their shoulders, a terrible fear finally conquered, and in some cases, the beginning of a blossoming romance. And it you're a bumbling blunderer when you're nervous, like some of the girls on the show were, don't forget to rehearse your words!


6. Learn to walk in high heels. Practice makes perfect, and platforms or wedges are the easiest to balance in. Heels make you stand up straighter, they're slimming, and they really make a difference to the silhouette and attitude you give off when entering a room, trust me!


7. Buy a red dress. If you're single. You're statistically more likely to be chatted up if you're in red. I'd go for a one-shoulder shape, it's elegant and chic and shows just enough skin to tickle a boy's fancy...


8. Re-organize your closet. We only wear about a quarter of the clothes we own, mainly because our wardrobes are such a mess. Most things are lost and ignored in a messy bundle at the back. So get everything out on the bed, be objective about whether that decade-old little black dress could be updated with some new accessories or by a nip and tuck from the tailor. Color-coordinate the rest of your clothes and split everything into winter and summer, too.


9. Get your adrenaline pumping. Pick the most daring item on your bucket list and just do it. On Plain Jane we've been bungee-jumping, sky-diving and swimming with sharks. Don't under-estimate how liberating facing a fear or pushing the envelope is. Stepping outside your comfort zone can help you see life with a whole new perspective, not to mention give you a little more faith in your own capabilities.


10. Invest in some color. Like it or not, your outfit speaks for you. Fact: we judge strangers on appearance within 8 seconds of meeting them. So you had better make your entrance count, whether it's a job interview, a first date or a family gathering. So many - in fact, TOO many people - wear black, grey or brown, and allow themselves to fade into the background. Make a statement and be noticed in bright colors; it will certainly lift your mood, too.

The season finale of Plain Jane airs September 1 at 9pm on the CW.

Read more: Style, Flirting, Dating, Fashion, Boys, Plain Jane, Cw, Louise Roe, Style News

Previously on: The designers made outfits to complement a series of dramatic hats by milliner-to-the-stars Philip Treacy. April, faced with Dr. Seuss' answer to rice paddy headwear, made a giant diaper, while Kristin, grappling with the literal orchid that was her assigned hat, crafted a colostomy bag out of black satin -- which got her sent home. Michael Costello won the challenge with an underwhelming dress, and no one was happy for him. Sad face!

At Atlas the morning after the Mad Tea Party, everyone is still hating on Michael C., who totally knows they are all hating on him. "I feel great about winning," he interviews, "But it would have felt better if people said, 'Good job.'" Valerie tells her roommates that she thinks April "really lucked out." And over in the Golden Girls-Laguna Beach mashup that is Peach and April's apartment, April strikes back: "Fuck that," she says, "No one understood my diaper!" April is growing on me.

Heidi is holding my favorite bag again when she appears on the Parsons runway! (I don't know what is wrong with me, but I think I would watch a show comprised solely of people picking names out of sacks. The lottery is really the closest thing we have -- the real lottery, I mean, NOT the Shirley Jackson lottery, which involves people picking names out of sacks but lacks a certain whimsy due in no small part to the fact that at the end someone gets stoned to death. Moving on.) Heidi announces that the contestants will work in two teams of six, which is met with a waterfall of Holyfuckingshit faces. Since Michael C. won the last challenge he gets to choose his first teammate. He immediately picks Gretchen. "Michael C. is such a dumbass," April interviews. "Do you want to hire Hitler?" Ooooooh-kay, so I guess everybody still hates Gretchen.

The bag of names, it turns out, is a total cocktease, because Heidi only uses it to select one person -- April -- who will choose first for the second team (she picks Mondo). After that it's a round-robin selection process in which each designer, after being selected, chooses the next member of his or her team. It breaks down like so:


It's like the nitrogen cycle, only with more bitches and (slightly) less bacteria.


Peach takes being the last pick in stride, and observes that the other team is made up of "self-proclaimed superstars," while her team is full of underdogs*. Val doesn't mince words: "There is a clusterfuck of egos on the other side," she says. To drive this point home, the editors show us Michael C., who says that he feels good since his team is "the best of the best." Hey, what has two thumbs and can't wait to see Gretchen and Co. get their asses handed to them like when the Mighty Ducks put the smackdown on that hockey team from Iceland in D2: The Might Ducks? THIS GIRL.**


The only one more excited than me about this team? Casanova's nipples.


*I will now spend the rest of this recap making pop culture references to underdog teams and their villainous counterparts from various TV series and movies. This opportunity fills me with joy, much like the joy felt by the Ladybugs when they won the championship game despite the fact that their best player was a boy in drag and their coach was Rodney Dangerfield.

**I have to make at least one "two thumbs" joke per season. It's in my contract.***

***I'm lying. I don't have a contract. I don't even get paid for this. What has two thumbs and can write pretty much whatever the fuck she wants?

Tim meets everyone in the workroom with a consulting stylist for Garnier, who is here to talk about hair for the 5 minutes of airtime that is part of Garnier's sponsorship deal, even though the judges will not mention the models' hair at any point. I've said it before and I'll say it again: the Garnier challenge should be to make clothes out of human hair. It's almost as if Lifetime is not writing these down.

More importantly, this week's challenge is to create a six-look mini collection that is on-trend for Fall 2010. Each team gets to pick one theme and one textile to work with (for instance, in my fantasy this might be "sweatpants" and "cashmere"). Team Ego decides on menswear-inspired womenswear in a palette of camel, while the Loser's Club selects military and lace. It is so on, you guys. It's going to be like Annie Hall fighting a gay soldier to the death.

At their first team meeting, Michael D. says that first and foremost they need to respect each other and be kind. Awww. They decide that they'll each create their own look but coordinate the details so as to keep it cohesive. Peach, however, is pessimistic. "No one has taken on a leadership role," she interviews. "Everyone assumes we're going to be on the bottom and doesn't want to take responsibility." Down in Hades, of course, Gretchen has crowned herself the Goblin Queen, assigning projects to her teammates. The idea, which isn't a terrible one, is to have people specialize and do what they do best rather than creating an entire look. But it can clearly go wrong: "We could do maybe a winter short that could relate to the palazzo pant," says Gretchen. Oh no, no, no. I want no part of that family. And a winter short? Seriously, shut your face. You can make a winter short when people start wearing down jackets in August. "The other team has cuckoo drama," Gretchen says, referring to Team Scrappy's aesthetics. "We need tailored and clean." Andy tells us that their team has named itself Team Luxe. More like Team Sucks! I mean, amirite? There's a two-drink minimum for these recaps; please remember to tip your waitress.

Tim comes in and whisks the gang off to Mood, which is notable only because it features a short dance performance by AJ and Gretchen:


Like the Osmonds but more frightening.


Back at Parsons, Team Hitler is already beginning to come apart at the seams. Despite their earlier strategy, Ivy is doing a complete look, and Gretchen is worried about AJ. ("His craftsmanship is not up to par.") There's trouble brewing for the Sandlot kids as well -- April says she still doesn't trust Valerie. Wait, still? Did some dramz go down that I didn't catch? Trustworthy or no, Val still has the best zingers. "A little birdie told me that the other team is doing piece by piece," she says. "I think it's a recipe for disaster. It's kind of like when you have diarrhea and vomiting at the same time -- you're screwed!" (And also, dehydrated.)

By the by, this is neither here nor there, but Casanova is wearing what looks to be a satin turban -- and sporting some serious man-cleave -- in every single talking head so far. Just thought you'd want to know.




Meanwhile, Michael C. has immunity from being kicked off the show, but not from being his team's scapegoat. Ivy snaps that she doesn't have time to explain how a cowl neck should be constructed, and Gretchen interviews that MC is "a total time-suck" and "the weakest link."

After an extended Garnier hair consultation in which a very wise stylist talks April and Valerie out of a mohawk made of braids, Tim comes to check in, starting with Team Military & Lace. Mondo is working on shorts with pleated pockets and a halter top ("I'm crazy about the neckline," says TG). Peach has a blue pencil skirt and is debating how to add color to her top. Valerie has yet to add zippers and chains to her jacket to make it edgy, but it's looking good. April needs to work on her seams. And last but not least is the long-suffering Norma Desmond Casanova. "Tim Gumms always come to the workshop and say something bad," he says glumly. It's amazing how much a consonant swap can do. Tim Gumms sounds like a greasy juvenile delinquent who hangs out with guys named Joey Nickels and Moose, or maybe a thirties-style bandleader: Timmy Gumms and the Go-Go-Gos.

Anyway, Tim Gumms indeed has bad news for Casanova, comparing his lace top to "the mother of these other women." Casanova translates: "Once again," he sighs, "[I] make another senior citizen garment." Wounded from the critique, Casanova proceeds to have what Valerie calls "a major diva moment," collapsing on a couch as his teammates line up to stroke his ego.

Team Luxe is ready for inspection, sir! Ivy assures Tim that they have the concept down pat. Gretchen goes on to describe the team's "authentic collaboration," showing off pieces like a circle skirt and a "Grandpa sweater." Now, I have nothing against grandpa clothes -- I still have a threadbare sweatshirt belonging to my grandfather that has an obscure regional cartoon on the front, and when I wear it I look semi-homeless and confuse everyone I meet -- but couldn't they have called this the "slouchy sweater" or "oversize sweater"? I love grandpas, but there's a reason the parachute pant is not, in fashion circles, referred to as "the Hammer pant." Some things just don't sound chic.

After studying the unbearable luxeness, Tim delivers his verdict. "You are all really ambitious," he says. "But I've seen what the other team is doing, and by comparison, this is looking very ho-hum." I know Tim is just being honest and helpful, but I like to think this was also a covert attempt at psyching out Team Manifest Destiny*. They are suitably horrified.

*Not a villainous movie team but rather the 19th century American belief that the United States was destined to expand across the North American continent, from the Atlantic seaboard to the Pacific Ocean. It was used by Democrats in the 1840s to justify the war with Mexico; the concept was denounced by Whigs, and fell into disuse after the mid 1850s.**

**I just totally plagiarized Wikipedia. But it was for education.

The models come in to get fitted, and Casanova's model is swiftly dispatched to retrieve him from his tantrum. "I needed to make it work, and finally I did," he interviews, although moments later he tells his team, "Maybe I am too old-fashioned for this show. I just cannot work with sluts." HA. In other news, Chris and Ivy worry that AJ has nothing ready for his model to try on, and Michael C's top is ill-fitting. Too bad the weakest link has immunity, suckas!

It's the day of the runway. Gretchen tossed and turned all night and ended up writing a to-do list in her own blood feces lipstick. "The other side, they are cray-cray!" Val interviews. "There's no way I would want to be in that clusterfuck mess," April agrees. As if to prove their point, Team Luxe starts enlisting its models to help sew... while remaining as cocky as ever. "We've taken on a more ambitious project, so it doesn't surprise me that we've got the winning collection," AJ sneers. "I don't know if the other team stands a chance," says Ivy. But the editors don't give them the last word. "I think the Bad News Bears are gonna pull it out!" Val decides, with a sassy head swerve. "They have a sweater called the grandpa sweater," Michael D. laughs. "What the fuck?!" I paused iTunes to write that down just now and this is the screen shot I captured:




What the fuck, indeed. It looks like Tim just walked in on a pair of palazzo pants being sewn out of molten farts.

ANYWAY. Out on the runway, Heidi introduces the judging panel, which this week includes Marchesa designer -- and somewhat incongruous Harvey Weinstein spouse -- Georgina Chapman. Let's start the show!

________


TEAM MILITARY & LACE
AKA THE BAD NEWS BEARS AKA MIGHTY DUCKS AKA SANDLOT KIDS AKA UNDERDOGS EXTRAORDINAIRE

1. APRIL




If this photo were used on a missing persons flyer it would read DESPERATELY SEEKING SUSAN! Last seen: Entering H&M. I don't get a huge military vibe from this but it's kicky; I like it.

2. CASANOVA




This top is so gorgeous I'm not even going to fault it for potential nip slips. Is she wearing a bra? Don't ask, don't tell. The pants are a tad too bunched for my liking, but then I've avoided white pants like the plague since the age of five. And the grommets up the sides are supercute.

3. MICHAEL D.




This is actually my favorite look from the collection. Yes, it's a little scary, and the model looks like she might pretend not to hear your safe-word, but it manages to be both unexpected (what is going on with those shoulders?!) and beautifully tailored. It's like some Edward Gorey wraith came to life, got a Bump-It, and joined The Craft, which is totally a compliment coming from me.

4. MONDO




Ooooh, looks like everyone got a Bump-It! I'm just going to focus on that glorious pompadour so that I don't have to look down at what appears to be a see-through faux-romper, mustard-colored capri leggings, and toeless booties the color of New York snow. Together, I'll admit, they look cohesive -- the styling is good. But I just can't get behind an American Apparel version of Sargeant Pepper's Lonelyhearts Club Band.

5. PEACH





This is cute. But hasn't Peach made a cute little dress for every single challenge so far? I'm afraid she doesn't know how to do anything else, and that the judges are going to notice -- soon.

6. VALERIE




I like the top half of this, even though the jacket looks exactly like the one my Donnie Wahlberg NKOTB doll (SHUT UP AND STOP BEING JEALOUS) came with circa 1991. The top seems interesting. The skirt and the leggings are well-made but don't seem to fit with the rest of the look.

TEAM LUXE
AKA THE YANKEES AKA THE EVIL HOCKEY TEAM FROM ICELAND FROM D2: THE MIGHTY DUCKS (YES, I AM A LITTLE OBSESSED WITH THAT MOVIE--WHAT? WE ALL HAVE OUR VICES) AKA THE FAVORITES

LOOK 1




Equestrian by day, airline stewardess by night, this little lady's turn-ons include two-tone leggings, Tagalongs, and giant cravats. Turn-offs? Ironing; Trefoils.

LOOK 2




I wonder if the 80s vibe is intentional. Unfortunately, I suspect not. I can't see the top and skirt too well, but the jacket looks to be very... shiny. All in all this is a page straight from the J.C. Penney catalog archives. At least if the public ever clamors for a prequel to Working Girl, Gretchen can get a job in the wardrobe dept.

LOOK 3




Now this is more like it. It's like the second coming of Lauren Hutton, and her legs in those pants make me want to weep. While I can't see the full shape, I want to love the jacket, and even the chevron graph paper-print blouse doesn't irk me because this grandpa model is owning it.

LOOK 4




Aw, this model makes me nostalgic for Bitchface from season 6! I like the pants and the sweater here, but the top looks cheap, not to mention see-through.

LOOK 5




Oh, good holy God. Looks like the winter short made it to the family reunion after all, three sheets to the wind. No, literally, that top is made of bed sheets. Ugly bed sheets. Airport HoJos bed sheets. And the... cape?... is one of those suspicious nylon blankets that always -- always! -- has a cigarette burn and at least three troubling stains of unknown origin.

LOOK 6




So, my elementary school colors were maroon and gold, which sounds okay on paper but which can look like dried blood and concentrated urine if you're not careful, as you can see here. However, Winona Ryder circa Reality Bites looks supercute and happy, and I like the dress from what I can see. (The collar of the jacket is a little twee.)

________


The designers reassemble on the runway, and Heidi calls Mondo, Peach, April, Valerie, Casanova, and Michael D. They are... the winning team! YES! Thanks to the editors and a general sense of inherent justice we knew this was coming, but it's still just as satisfying. I actually kind of choked up during the celebratory group hug, but then again I also cried when Zack and Kelly broke up on Saved By the Bell, so it doesn't take much.

The losing team -- oh, how the mighty have fallen! -- slinks back to the green room. Everyone is in shock, and Ivy looks like she's been crying. They did work really hard and it must suck, but it's hard to feel too bad for them after all the smack they talked.

Out on the runway, the judges praise the winning collection. Heidi says it's young and fun, while Georgina Chapman thinks it's cohesive, "but each look has its own attitude and each piece comes from a different person, which makes it interesting." Michael Kors acknowledges that it's trick to balance military with lace and not make things costumey. Nina Garcia loves the versatility factor. And -- surprise! -- Heidi and MK actually mention the hair, for the first time ever in a hair challenge! OMG, I bet Garnier is flipping its shit right now. The judges single out Casanova and Peach for special praise, but need time to deliberate and choose a winner.

Meanwhile, backstage...

"The only thing that made it a 'collection', if it was one" Gretchen whines while making obnoxious air quotes, "is the lace." Ivy agrees that Team Luxe's looks were more cohesive. "Ours told a story," she says. Yes, the story of a girl with one ugly shirt and a geriatric grandpa from whom she steals sweaters.

Gretchen says she thinks they need to decide as a team whether to throw someone under the bus or take the rap collectively. Obviously everyone chooses option B, although AJ says forebodingly, "I hope you're not just saying that now and then out on the runway you'll flip a switch."

Okay, I feel like I just need to transcribe the next few minutes, because you have to see exactly how it went down (some segments have been edited so that this isn't interminably long):

Team Luxe assembles on runway...

Heidi: In your group, who would like to tell us about your collection?
Gretchen (of course): It was really important for us to thoroughly an truly collaborate, rather than create designs individually. What we felt like that would allow us to do is enable everybody's strengths to come out and be supported where our weaknesses were, so rather than have six looks that maybe referenced the same thing came out, we could have six looks that were, to us, at least, cohesive.
Heidi: You said you didn't want to show some of the weaknesses. So, who's the weakest designer in your group?
Gretchen: See, that's the hard thing is that we all have such different processes, and I hope you can be mindful of that when you make the decision that you have to make, because we worked really hard [starts to cry, which makes Michael C. start to cry]... and I don't think there was a weak link. We all tried really hard. And I just want you all to think about that, that we did the best we could for each other and for ourselves individually, and for you.
Ivy: It's like having a baby and someone saying it's ugly! [Ed. note: HA.] I think it's beautiful, I really do. [Ed. note: NO.]
Heidi: Six designers, one of you has immunity this week, and that is Michael. So one of you five will be out.
Gretchen: Can I say one more thing about that? I ask for you to be mindful of who you want to see more from [Ed. note: Damn, bitch, what else do you think they judge on? Public speaking? Orthodonture?] We think that's the fairest way for you to choose because we're not going to choose. We stand united, and we think that's the best way that you can walk away from this feeling as confident as we are, regardless of who has to go home, that that was the right person.
Michael Kors: Quite frankly, fashion is a tough, competitive business. So it's very commendable that you guys have this team effort, you know, going on, but I don't know if it's going to work for you because I think it took some of you down a notch, and probably raised a few of you up a notch, too, but you just ended up with vanilla boring.
Gretchen: We very late in the game realized that grandma had arrived.
MK: That's not how you felt when you came out here.
Michael Costello: No, it wasn't.
Gretchen: Well, we were tryin'...
Nina: So who styled this?
Gretchen: I'll take responsibility for styling, but I also feel that I had to style, maybe, a crappy collection, where I was, like, trying to save it.
Heidi: What do you mean you're trying to save it? Before you loved it.
MK: Gretchen, you are a sportswear-head. Since this is so your world, who had the hardest time where it isn't their world?
Gretchen: Um, I think Michael did. So I helped him a lot. I do have to say that out of the group Michael's technical skills were the weakest. So I had to work with him so much that I had no time to focus on what makes me strong. So the things I made I had to make at the last minute, and I'm not proud of them. [Ed. note: In fairness, Andy and Christopher appear to be nodding in agreement while she says this.]
Heidi: It's amazing how your tune has changed from when we started this conversation.
Gretchen: Well I feel like we all tried out hardest. And we don't know who to pick because nobody was on their game. It was like... everybody sucked.

DUDES. Is Gretchen a manipulative liar or just an overbearing narcissist who doesn't know when to shut up? Is she a true villain or an accidental one? I can't tell.

Anyway, Heidi asks each designer who was the weakest link. Ivy points to Michael, but Heidi makes her choose one of the non-immune designers, so she says "no one." Christopher and Andy also finger Michael (um, not that way. Ew.) AJ diplomatically says that he can only speak to his own weaknesses and wishes he had brought his sense of fun into the collection. Oops, Gretchen hasn't spoken for approximately five seconds. Listen up, people:

Gretchen: I feel like you're looking for a martyr.
MK: Gretchen, someone's going down.
Gretchen: I don't want to go home. I don't think it's my time. I've shown you what I can do and the direction I'd like to show you more, and... I really feel like Michael was our weakest link. [Ed. note: 2 minutes ago: "I don't think there was a weak link."]

The judges, by this point, are tired of the pointless Michael-bashing, and ask the team to just offer someone up for sacrifice already. When they won't, they make each designer point out exactly which pieces he or she made and then, FINALLY, send them backstage, where they continue picking on Michael, who sits glumly to the side like Eeyore after a particularly brutal Comedy Central roast.

All of the designers return to the runway. There can only be one winner, and it's... Casanova! Everyone seems genuinely happy for him so he can't be as annoying in real life as he seems on TV. The Mighty Ducks are all in, of course, and head backstage to relax.

Michael C. has immunity, so is in. "Good luck," he says pointedly to Gretchen as he leaves. I'm not a fan of Michael C., but it was a shitty, shitty game they played on him. He clearly wasn't going home, so the other designers knew they were trash-talking him for nothing. I think just made them look bad. Michael comes backstage and starts to cry, saying how much it hurts. (And while it kind of looks like he's faking it, I think that's just how his face is.)

Christopher is in. Ivy is in. Andy is in. Which leaves Gretchen and AJ. Obviously in this scenario AJ is out. And...

He is.

"I would have felt better going if I left for something that was my point of view," AJ interviews. He is in the midst of saying as much to the other contestants when Tim comes backstage. "Sit for a minute, AJ," he says gravely. Uh-oh. Something tells me Timmy Gumms is about to get out the brass knuckles.

"I have a few words for Team Luxe," he says. "I fully do not understand your behavior and demeanor and affect on the runway. I don't get it! I don't know why you allowed Gretchen to manipulate and control and bully you. I don't understand it. And AJ, you've taken the bullet, and now I have to send you up to the work room to clean up your space!"

Um, wow. Remember when I had that idea for a musical version of Tim's life called Annie Get Your Gunn? Well, this outburst opens up a whole new possibility: a DVD series called Gunn Gone Wild, in which Tim gets upset and drops realness on unsuspecting passersby.

Of course, "outburst" is relative; Tim hardly raised his voice. But after last season's barely-contained rage towards Emilio and now this, I think we have reason to believe that Tim Gunn is mad as hell and he's not going to take it anymore. I for one am pumped to see what an unhinged Tim will bring to the table -- perhaps a "Make it work... or I will kill your entire family" or a "Go go go fuck yourself"? A girl can dream.

Ivy says that Tim was "kind of right in what he said" and that it made the other designers have an "aha moment" (otherwise known as an "Oprah orgasm"). Gretchen, meanwhile, has hurt feelings. Karma, baby. It's a bitch -- or at least a farty palazzo pant.

Next time: There are mysterious new models and someone makes a "great big oversize bra" that causes Tim to motorboat a set of invisible breasts. I'll try to get it up by Tuesday morning again. (Say it with me, now -- that's what he said.)

As always, if you like these recaps, check out my blog or become a fan on Facebook.

Read more: Reality TV, TV Recaps, Project Runway, Style, Heidi Klum, Tim Gunn, Project Runway Lifetime, Michael Kors, Style News

Three years ago, I discovered J. Crew. You know, the somewhat preppy clothing store that exudes a sense of fashionable elegance all the same? I was looking for a place that offered my style: classic with a fresh flare. I had outgrown the predictable offerings of Banana Republic and the once-fresh, but now too conservative picks at Ann Taylor. J. Crew was perfect: all American fare with a little spice.

First of all, let's clear up the mystery. According to Yahoo! Answers, the "J" in J. Crew means something: "According to a J. Crew sales rep," The man who started the company liked to row, so he chose 'crew' and a letter that looked good in front of it."

It didn't matter what letter the company chose ... "crew" translates to active, healthy - success. And their clothes do a good job of living up to the name.

My first purchase was a pair of jeans. I needed a good fit but more importantly, I was looking for fabric. Not just any ol' denim would do ... it had to be the right shade of blue, faded but not distressed, cool enough to wear on days off but nice enough to feel "dressed." And please - soft and wearable. My old standby, Levi's 501's, looked like I was stuck in the past.

My "hip slung" jeans were the answer. (I'm wearing them right now!) As J. Crew would have me, I was hooked. Soon I was buying shirts, skirts, sweaters, and dresses. Thanks to J. Crew, I embraced cashmere. Lambs wool blends became a thing of the past. I own crew necks, V-necks, and cardigans in every color imaginable - from basic black and navy to emerald green and orange. I even delved into accessories: belts, jewelry and (sigh) ... shoes!

For years now, shoppers could attempt to satisfy their fix (and pocketbooks) by checking out the J. Crew outlet store, always found in a "Premium Mall Outlet." There one can find classic J. Crew styles and the upcoming season's trends at a sizable discount. The company's rewards program encouraged our appetites.

In today's Wall Street Journal, however, it was announced that J. Crew outlet apparel will be available online in September. A first, and telling sign of the times. Americans are keeping a tight grip on their wallets these days and the economy will not rebound without increased consumer spending.

I'm one of those consumers. In my attempt to spend more wisely these days and do what I think is best, I am also one of the millions of Americans who is stalling an economic recovery. Economists are proposing numerous ways to kick start spending but debilitating unemployment puts the brakes on any frills. Most of us don't "need" new clothes. We simply want them. We like treating ourselves to something we deem as "special." Funny how a label signifies, "I made it." Of course, it didn't hurt sales when we saw that Michelle Obama often wears clothing from J. Crew.

J. Crew is chic yet accessible. You can buy it off the rack. While some high end designers and clothing manufacturers have reduced their prices to weather the storm, others fear such a move will compromise their image. J. Crew's foray into cheaper online bargains is clearly a necessary move. CEO Mickey Drexler (former GAP superman) is no dummy. It's no longer just about branding, it's about revenue.

I hope J. Crew succeeds, not because I'm a faithful fan, but because the US needs a multitude of stimulus ideas and implementation. So it's just one company trying to stay out of the red. Even though I made a pledge not to buy any more clothes (my closet, even with slim hangers, is at its max), I'll be one of the first to check out the new online outlet.

I applaud any effort to jump start our economy, to get housing prices back to normal, to reduce foreclosures, and to get Americans back to work.

Only when all of those things occur will I be able to strut my stuff with true confidence.

Read more: J. Crew, Economic Stimulus, Unemployment, Fashion, Consumer Spending, Economy, Business News

Venice, Italy has banned Julianne Moore's Bulgari ad from being posted as a billboard in the city, the Telegraph UK reports. The photo shows a nude Moore covered up by lion cubs, handbags and jewelry. Mayor Giorgio Orsoni called the image too racy and inappropriate for St. Mark's Square.

President of the Venice Foundation added, "I take account of the fact that Venice is part of the real word...but we cannot accept these Hollywood-style images. There are intelligent sponsors, and we need to come up with advertising that suits Venice, not Times Square."

Bulgari will instead use a fully-clothed image of Moore modeling Bulgari jewels.

Take a look at the image in question and tell us what you think.

Read more: Julianne Moore Nude, Julianne Moore, Julianne Moore Bulgari Ad, Poll, Fashion, Style News

As the curtain rises on this week's show, we find that most if not all of the remaining designers are still not feeling Michael Costello's win last week. Christopher states unequivocally that Michael C's skills are "not in line with the rest of us." Meanwhile April and Peach have formed a sort of Survivor-style alliance which, I have to admit, is touching since in real life, would these two even look at each other on the street? Ah, Reality TV: breaker-down of age and culture barriers!

It's a team challenge broken down into two teams which shake out predictably. Michael C, being last week's winner, gets to choose first and picks Gretchen for his team (I guess he did get a swelled head last week from the win; otherwise what in the Sam Hill was he thinking? Us winners have to stick together? But Michael C - it's Gretchen!!!). The rest of the team members are chosen schoolyard-style by each person picking the next. Michael C and Gretchen's team is rounded out by Christopher, Andy, Ivy, and A.J. The other team is April, Mondo, Michael D, Valerie, Casanova, and Peach. Michael C's feeling good about his team (who have 4 wins between them to the other team's zero wins) because they are "the best of the best." Yes, but you have Gretchen, you idiot - a sure sign that someone's going to be done very wrong - since her advice throughout the season thus far has dashed many a dream.

Back at the workroom, Uncle Tim explains that each team is to create a six-piece collection that follows the emerging trends of Fall 2010. They will each choose from two inspirations, one concept, and one textile. The budget for the collection will be a whopping $1K. Garnier's Peter Butler will consult with them on the hairstyles for their looks.

Tim encourages them to use their HP Touchsmart notebooks during their one-hour sketch period before going to shop at Mood. Gretchen immediately takes over what will become Team Luxe. She wants their menswear for women look to be tailored and clean because the other team has (her words) "koo-koo drama." She gushes, "you guys, I'm so proud of us, we're working so well together it's blowing my mind" (by which she really means they're all listening to her and doing what she says). "We don't have time for that right now," Ivy hits back, but she's actually fallen into line as Gretchen's aide-de-camp. I guess she's finally realized it's not The Ivy Show, but she could be a co-star on The Gretchen Show.

The other team huddles around a table and comes up with a military theme for their collection augmented by lace. Everyone plays well together. Casanova likes military and loves lace - he "feels like a fish in the water." There's a touchy moment when Peach feels like no one's listening to her but it's quickly repaired and they're all happy families. Their official name is Team Military & Lace.

Apropos of nothing: A brief cameo from Mood's store dog, Swatch.


Team Gretchen - I mean Luxe - is a complete disaster out of the gate and I start allowing myself to envision that these sanctimonious winner-types might find themselves actually losing for once. Gretchen's ideas are fueling their creative process (except for Michael C who has finally seen the handwriting on the wall - albeit too late): winter shorts, grandpa sweaters, leggings with camel panels. The whole thing will eventually look like a 1970's Ivy League fashion spread. Christopher's taken on the role of Gretchen's consigliere, advising her on what's going on with other team members. They all decide early on that Michael C is the weakest link and I so wish Anne Robinson would make an appearance to give him the news - and btw sorry, MC, but you deserve it because no one in their right mind would consciously pick Gretchen for their team. Ivy gets all schoolteacherish on him and he leaves in a huff. "Michael C is a total time suck, he doesn't know how to sew," says Gretchen.

The other team, let's call them the Underdogs since they are, are steamrolling along. Everyone has their assignment and they are working well together as a team. When it comes time for their Garnier hair consult with Peter Butler, April and Valerie advise the stylists to keep it simple, but messy, "because you always get messy in battle." This team's working hard and smart because they all know what failure is like whereas the other team is all we-have-it-in-the-bag. This is evidenced further by Gretchen and Andy's hair consult where they decide that they're going for a modern approach to Hollywood glam. The model looks like Lauren Bacall. "Wow," says Gretchen, "and....we're gonna win!" I just know I would've hated this beeyotch in high school.

Tim Time - he consults with each team as a group, starting with the Underdogs. He's a little cautionary over the use of lace, warning that it "can look old very easily." (Cut to Michael C sniping from across the room "I notice that they're going for some bordello trashy look") Casanova is scared because Tim always comes down on him with a rough critique and today's no exception: "I'm going to be blunt. Casanova, your look is looking like the mother of these women. It needs to be youthened up." Casanova's crushed and swans off to lie down on the couch and have a big old sulk. His fellow teamies Michael D, Ivy and Peach can't rouse him and finally Peach gets all mom-like telling him to have a good rest and "we love you."

Here's where I have to show you the shoes Casanova is wearing in the workroom.


Tim visits with Team Gretchen and Miss G explains that they're all doing about three pieces each but she feels like she is in every piece even though she's not the one sewing. (Remember this statement later, everyone.) Tim allows as how they are all ambitious about how much they're planning to do but he feels a responsibility to tell them that he met with the other team "and by comparison this is looking very ho-hum." From Tim this is the worst thing ever, it's up there with senior citizen garments.

The models enter the room for their fittings and Casanova is still out in the lounge on the couch feeling sorry for himself. He calls his Aunt Lucy and tells her in Spanish he's tired of this shit, which is helpfully translated in the lower third. It's only when his model comes out to give him a pep talk and tell him not to let what others say get to him that he realizes that perhaps he is being too sensitive and returns to the workroom. Meanwhile, it's clear on Team Gretchen that both A.J. and Michael C are dragging the team down. A.J. doesn't have anything ready for his model to try on. Michael C doesn't seem to have done anything but a cowl blouse that has to be completely re-styled by his teammates. The fact that he has immunity from winning last week's challenge has most of them apoplectic with rage as they feel - and have expressed to his face - that he's not going to even try to help the team win.

And the Brother Sewing clock ticks on.


The morning of the runway show, Gretchen wakes up at 4am and makes a to-do list for their team (oh, how I wish we had been able to see said list!). Their team is so far behind the eight ball it's frightening. Some of their models actually help pitch in to them finish sewing the garments. As the group heads off to the runway, their team feels quite confident of the win. (One of the show's best lines must go to Michael D, who is on the competing team: "They have a sweater called the Grandpa Sweater! What the f---!")

The guest judge today is Georgina Chapman, actress and fashion designer/co-founder of Marchesa. The first team up is the Underdogs. Gretchen thinks her team has it because she doesn't think the Underdogs' work holds together as a collection though she likes them individually. It's an unfortunate choice to have Team G's show begin with A.J.'s weird shirtdress with the two tone leggings. The best thing on these models is their hairstyles, which are the only luxe thing about the collection. The winning team turns out to be Military & Lace (the Underdogs). Group hug!

The losing team heads backstage into the dishing area in total shock. Ivy says their collection was a lot more cohesive and it told a story (and the story was 1976 Ivy League Co-Eds). Gretchen opines that the collection doesn't look like any of their work, and that's a Project Runway first, as if that's a good thing. They decide as a group to stand together and not blame any one person. A.J. presciently says he hopes G won't flip a switch to which G responds, "that's not my style." Vraiment?

And just so you see wazzup...

TEAM MILITARY & LACE

Casanova


Mondo


April


Michael D



Peach


Valerie



TEAM LUXE

A.J.


Andy


Ivy


Christopher


Michael C


Gretchen



The judges are oohing and aahing over the Underdogs. Young, fun, hip, modern, edgy - says La Klum. She absolutely loves Casanova's outfit - "it's super-chic, it's hot, I want to be that girl!" MK singles Casanova and Peach out for special praise. When asked who they think should be the winner, the team members pick Casanova, and Casanova nobly picks Peach because the top of her outfit is so well made. (Let's look in our crystal ball ahead to the future where Casanova and Peach join forces and start a clothing design company on the Lower East Side called Casa Peach and Peach gets a buzz cut and tatts and stops wearing black capris. Hey, it could happen!)

Team G heads out for the losing team critique. G is the spokesperson and starts out by saying that they all collaborated, "we worked really hard" (sniff sniff). When she starts to cry the others start too, even Michael C. She declines to name names: "We worked really hard and I don't think there was a weak link." Ivy chimes in: "It's like having a baby and someone says it's ugly. I think it's beautiful." G makes an impassioned plea that the judges please be mindful of who they want to see more from because we think that's the fairest way for you to choose "because we're not going to choose. We stand united." At this point Michael C takes her hand, Christopher and A.J. stand arm in arm, and Gretchen puts her arm around Ivy.

MK says the team effort is commendable but it probably took some of them down a notch and raised others up a notch, ending up with "vanilla boring." Nina points out that almost every outfit in the collection has a proportion problem, plus no sex appeal and no design. "The colors are," she pauses to look for the right word, "ghastly." The judges are honestly appalled at the name Team Luxe since it's the furthest thing from luxe they can imagine. Ivy's look is singled out as the worst. MK gasps: "The Golden Girl vest!" Nina chimes in, "The vest with those granny shorts!" Next worst is A.J., whose outfit Heidi says is "a little bit air hostess" with "horseback riding pants." A.J. defends himself weakly by saying he wanted to show he could do a more tailored piece, not like his crazy outfits in the past.

And then, in perhaps the quickest turnaround ever seen on Project Runway, Gretchen completely backpedals from her earlier staunch belief in the collection and the team and goes all Judas Iscariot on everyone, saying, "We very late in the game realized that Grandma had arrived." She admits that she styled everything, "I also feel like I had to style maybe a crappy collection - I was trying to save it." Heidi is confused, "What do you mean you're trying to save it? Before you loved it!" And then the fun really begins as it dawns on Gretchen that by taking responsibility for everything, she could very well go home ("I don't want to go home, it's not my time") and she throws Michael C squarely under the bus. She whines that she had to spend so much time helping him since his technical skills were the weakest and therefore she had no time to focus on what makes her strong. She says now that everyone sucked, no one was on their game - including her. Her lapdogs Ivy and Christopher agree that Michael C is the weakest link. None of them will name another team member since Michael C has immunity. Off they go to await their fate.

The judges decide to give the win to Casanova, who's pleasantly surprised and delighted. As for Team G, they're frankly astounded by Gretchen's about-face. Heidi says it seems like Gretchen was the leader even though there was no leader. "She had the whip in her hand, she was driving that bus, everyone was too afraid to open their mouth." G and A.J. end up in the bottom two. Even though the judges say they are only judging on this challenge and not past history, a statement I find very hard to believe, they send A.J. home instead of Gretchen who clearly was responsible for the direction the entire collection took (and admitted it). A.J. did what Gretchen told him to do - and he's not the first to go home for that mistake. A.J. to camera, "It's really hard to know that you're going home for something that doesn't have a trace of you in it."

Tim Gunn is incensed and comes in not just to tell A.J. goodbye and to clean up his space, but also to give Team G a piece of his mind - he doesn't get it. "I fundamentally do not understand your behavior and demeanor and affect on the runway...I don't know why you allow Gretchen to manipulate, control, and bully you." He says A.J. took the bullet. They're all in total shock since this is by no means part of the script. Ivy confides to camera that Tim is "kind of right" and it made them all have "an A-ha moment." All I can say is, Tim's my dream man for calling Gretchen out like this. He was before, but doubly so now.

Here is Tim not getting it.


Gretchen tells the camera that her feelings are hurt, claiming she's not manipulative, she "just wanted to help." It will be very interesting to see how this all plays out in weeks to come. We've clearly turned a corner now on the contestants' dynamic.

And sew it goes!

Project Runway airs Thursday nights on Lifetime TV at 9pm ET.

See my recap of Episode 4 here

Episode 3 Recap

Episode 1 and 2 Recap

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