Sex and Relationships
Dan Persons: CFQ Post-Mortem: Predators Redux & Tons o' Exorcisms
After casting the devil out of The Last Exorcism, Dan Persons, Lawrence French, and Steve Biodrowski exercise their analytic on other possession movies in the latest episode of Cinefantastique's weekly Post-Mortem Podcast. What are the best and worst the genre has to offer: The Exorcist, Exorcist II: The Heretic, The Exorcist III, House of Exorcism?
Also this week: an exploration of the questions:
* What do The Last Exorcism and After.Life have in common?
* Is Predators this year's most entertaining horror, fantasy, or science fiction film?
* What's up with trailers for films like Piranha 3D and Predators, which promise scenes not in the movie?
* Does A Matter of Loaf and Death, the latest animated adventure starring plasticene pals Wallace and Gromit, live up to their previous, Oscar-winning work?
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Also this week: an exploration of the questions:
* What do The Last Exorcism and After.Life have in common?
* Is Predators this year's most entertaining horror, fantasy, or science fiction film?
* What's up with trailers for films like Piranha 3D and Predators, which promise scenes not in the movie?
* Does A Matter of Loaf and Death, the latest animated adventure starring plasticene pals Wallace and Gromit, live up to their previous, Oscar-winning work?
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Read more: Exorcist II: The Heretic, Violence, Action-Adventure, The Last Exorcism, Horror, Emotion, Predators, The Exorcist, Sex, A Matter of Loaf and Death, After Life, Drama, Controversy, Death, Piranha 3d, Indie, Comedy, Gore, The Exorcist III, Science Fiction, Acting Legend, Fantasy, Off Beat, Satire, Gritty, Art, House of Exorcism, Animation, Entertainment News
Categories: Sex and Relationships
Matthew Edlund, M.D.: 8 Ways to Unplug and Recharge Your Brain
Do you feel stressed, tired, fatigued, rushed, drained, zapped? Join the club. Add an economic crisis to multiple jobs, kids, elderly parents and a body-crushing lifestyle, and lots of Americans feel whacked-over-the-head overloaded.
What's the antidote? Simple: use your body the way it's built. If you want your brain to work well you first need to know how your brain works. Hint: it's not a machine. It is a living, wondrously inventive, rapidly renewing organ. You see your hair grow, your nails grow, but do you see your brain grow? That's what your brain does during rest -- it's your body's rebuild and renew program. To get your brain to work better, here's rule number one: rest for success.
Ask the rats at University of California, San Fransisco. Researcher Loren Frank found, as described in the New York Times, that rats sent out exploring need to stop and rest in order to develop long term memories. If you want to learn, you need to rest; and that's not including people's first definition of rest -- sleep.
When I ask humans about rest improving their brains, I get different answers. One reporter in Dallas explained, "I can't rest, I'm in the newsroom." A news editor in Sacramento told me the opposite. She said she was so wiped by working early morning hours, two jobs and a two-year-old that she forced herself to rest for an entire weekend to really sleep, and not do any work. Afterward she felt rejuvenated, filled with new ideas and new energy. In other words, she felt rested.
So here are just a few simple ways to get your brain in full working order and have fun:
Walk It -- Even a 20-30 minute walk can grow you new brain cells, in sleep, in memory areas. Can your computer do that? No. It's you who gets to rebuild and rewire every day.
Sleep It -- You need REM sleep and deep sleep to learn, and perhaps around seven to eight hours total to prevent heart disease and support a strong immune system. Like food, rest is required for your survival. Every sleep deprived animal eventually dies. If you know what you're doing, like adding pre-dreaming to your pre-sleep rest time, you can improve brain function plus make sleep fun.
Get It Out in Nature -- Cognitive psychologists still feel stumped as to why people learn better walking in nature rather than in a mall. They shouldn't. Getting out in nature improves mood, resets immunity and increases vitamin D (through sunlight). And natural settings provide huge amounts of unconscious information the brain can then use to make better decisions.
Make It More Creative -- New ideas often arrive by adding different experiences to the old ideas in our storehouse of memories. So stroll out of your comfort zone. Writers can read children's books; teachers and parents can watch a group of playground kids handed a new toy; any cook can visit a grocery and try new vegetables and sauces.
Use Quick Active Rest Techniques -- Very few know that spiritual rest techniques in under a minute can provoke senses of awe and transcendence. I believe that that there are four different kinds of active rest -- physical, mental, social, and spiritual -- and that they can be played together through the day like music, really cutting back on stress.
Use Your Body Clocks -- Your computer doesn't care if it's 4 p.m. or 4 a.m., but you do. Short term memory is best in the morning, long term memory in the evening. Lots of people feel most creative in the morning, though overall alertness often peaks in the evening, a great time to visit with family and friends -- asking them all kinds of sometimes far-out questions, which can boost your creativity.
Pay Attention to Attention -- All your brain really has is attention, your ability to focus, concentrate and think. The brain only does one thing at a time. Distract it, overload it, do too many things at once and your productivity, mood and creativity will suffer. Take breaks or you'll make mistakes.
Enjoy Sex -- Walks can grow brain cells, but in rats, so does sex. What better way to grow new memory cells than to be with someone you love, who cares about you, who you feel understands you (sex is also a great way to obtain social rest, with its many benefits for heart, brain arteries, and mood.)
So don't believe Woody Allen in the movie Sleeper when he says the brain is his "second most favorite organ." Make it your favorite organ. Treat your brain as the creative, wondrously renewing center of your mind and it will treat you well, working better and letting you laugh a lot more. When you use your body the way it's built you'll change your appearance, your productivity, and your pleasure. Change your brain, change your life.
What's the antidote? Simple: use your body the way it's built. If you want your brain to work well you first need to know how your brain works. Hint: it's not a machine. It is a living, wondrously inventive, rapidly renewing organ. You see your hair grow, your nails grow, but do you see your brain grow? That's what your brain does during rest -- it's your body's rebuild and renew program. To get your brain to work better, here's rule number one: rest for success.
Ask the rats at University of California, San Fransisco. Researcher Loren Frank found, as described in the New York Times, that rats sent out exploring need to stop and rest in order to develop long term memories. If you want to learn, you need to rest; and that's not including people's first definition of rest -- sleep.
When I ask humans about rest improving their brains, I get different answers. One reporter in Dallas explained, "I can't rest, I'm in the newsroom." A news editor in Sacramento told me the opposite. She said she was so wiped by working early morning hours, two jobs and a two-year-old that she forced herself to rest for an entire weekend to really sleep, and not do any work. Afterward she felt rejuvenated, filled with new ideas and new energy. In other words, she felt rested.
So here are just a few simple ways to get your brain in full working order and have fun:
Walk It -- Even a 20-30 minute walk can grow you new brain cells, in sleep, in memory areas. Can your computer do that? No. It's you who gets to rebuild and rewire every day.
Sleep It -- You need REM sleep and deep sleep to learn, and perhaps around seven to eight hours total to prevent heart disease and support a strong immune system. Like food, rest is required for your survival. Every sleep deprived animal eventually dies. If you know what you're doing, like adding pre-dreaming to your pre-sleep rest time, you can improve brain function plus make sleep fun.
Get It Out in Nature -- Cognitive psychologists still feel stumped as to why people learn better walking in nature rather than in a mall. They shouldn't. Getting out in nature improves mood, resets immunity and increases vitamin D (through sunlight). And natural settings provide huge amounts of unconscious information the brain can then use to make better decisions.
Make It More Creative -- New ideas often arrive by adding different experiences to the old ideas in our storehouse of memories. So stroll out of your comfort zone. Writers can read children's books; teachers and parents can watch a group of playground kids handed a new toy; any cook can visit a grocery and try new vegetables and sauces.
Use Quick Active Rest Techniques -- Very few know that spiritual rest techniques in under a minute can provoke senses of awe and transcendence. I believe that that there are four different kinds of active rest -- physical, mental, social, and spiritual -- and that they can be played together through the day like music, really cutting back on stress.
Use Your Body Clocks -- Your computer doesn't care if it's 4 p.m. or 4 a.m., but you do. Short term memory is best in the morning, long term memory in the evening. Lots of people feel most creative in the morning, though overall alertness often peaks in the evening, a great time to visit with family and friends -- asking them all kinds of sometimes far-out questions, which can boost your creativity.
Pay Attention to Attention -- All your brain really has is attention, your ability to focus, concentrate and think. The brain only does one thing at a time. Distract it, overload it, do too many things at once and your productivity, mood and creativity will suffer. Take breaks or you'll make mistakes.
Enjoy Sex -- Walks can grow brain cells, but in rats, so does sex. What better way to grow new memory cells than to be with someone you love, who cares about you, who you feel understands you (sex is also a great way to obtain social rest, with its many benefits for heart, brain arteries, and mood.)
So don't believe Woody Allen in the movie Sleeper when he says the brain is his "second most favorite organ." Make it your favorite organ. Treat your brain as the creative, wondrously renewing center of your mind and it will treat you well, working better and letting you laugh a lot more. When you use your body the way it's built you'll change your appearance, your productivity, and your pleasure. Change your brain, change your life.
Read more: Stress, Rest, Active, Brain, Body Clock, Sex, Health, Brain Fitness, Stress Reduction, How-to-Pay-Attention, Human Nature, Sleep, Creative, Unplug and Recharge, Living News
Categories: Sex and Relationships
Jenny Block: Hallelujah -- a Christian Sex Toy Shop
Well, well, well. Just when I thought I had seen it all. Along comes Book 22, the online sex toy and accessory shop for married Christians only. (Although I don't think they check your ID...) Sure, it's a bit exclusionary for my taste personally. But at least they've got the goods. And if you think the Christian nomenclature equals tame, think again. These folks are not messing around.
What can you expect to find there? Well, there's the "Like a Virgin Kit" that includes, Ben-Wa balls, tightening gel, a tightening guide, and a how-to booklet. In case your lady gets loose or (horrors) was not "pure" from the get-go. There are a wealth of masturbation sleeves, including the "Head Honcho" inside of which are "three suction cavities, and as you stroke the Head Honcho up and down, it creates a pleasurable vacuum."
They actually offer a variety of sleeves, some of which include interesting disclaimers like, "This product is helpful when a married couple is unable to normally have sexaul (sic) intercourse. Sold as a novelty item only." So, do you use it to help when you can't have "normal" intercourse or is it just a gag gift? (No pun intended.)
Items designed to control premature ejaculation? Check. Condoms? Check. Dildos? Check. They've got lubes to make things glide, goo to make your naughty bits taste good, trampy lingerie, and plenty of things that go "bump" in the night. Batteries required. I love that they have the vibrators and masturbation sleeves listed under "Aids." I think I might start calling them aids. Sounds like I have an assistant!
Under special order they have items like "The Sexy Velcro Kit." I could not imagine what that meant. But just one click revealed that it contains a soft fuzzy red blind fold, a red pleasure feather, red fuzzy velcro wrist ties with tethers, and red fuzzy velcro ankle ties with tethers. S&M lite. Nice.
They also offer a cyberskin extender to enhance length and girth but which can also be used with a vibrator it says. Although it too includes the disclaimer, "For novelty purposes only." Uh huh. Me thinks the site doeth protest too much...
As for accessories, you'll find crotchless panties, remote controlled vibrating panties, and even a "Lover's Thong" with "sensual pearl-finish stroker beads." You can also find a non-piercing nipple jewelry, and "Head Candy" that will "allow you to feel and administer pleasure like never before...certified Kosher with a delicious passionfruit (sic) flavor!" Kosher. Good to know, especially for all of those Kosher keeping Christians out there.
And lest you be unsure how to use these items in a "Christian" way, fear not. Book 22 links visitors to "The Marriage Bed" for guidance. It also lists a number of other sites for reference, including "Christian Nymphos." It takes all kinds, my friends.
Let me reiterate, I hate to see any group claim that sex is of their domain and their domain alone. But, all kidding aside, I know that buying sex toys can be a daunting task. If this type of venue makes it easier for some to make that leap, well, it's a decent first step. Next step - playthings and orgasms for everyone regardless of marital status or sexual orientation! One day anyway.
In the meantime, no more excuses. For the unabashed, looking for product as well as info, there's Good Vibrations. For a site known for being particularly women-friendly there's Babeland. For those on the prowl for things that are deceivingly innocent looking but that still get the job done there's Natural Contours. And now, for those looking for something with a Christian vibe (pun intended), there's Book 22 . God Bless America!
What can you expect to find there? Well, there's the "Like a Virgin Kit" that includes, Ben-Wa balls, tightening gel, a tightening guide, and a how-to booklet. In case your lady gets loose or (horrors) was not "pure" from the get-go. There are a wealth of masturbation sleeves, including the "Head Honcho" inside of which are "three suction cavities, and as you stroke the Head Honcho up and down, it creates a pleasurable vacuum."
They actually offer a variety of sleeves, some of which include interesting disclaimers like, "This product is helpful when a married couple is unable to normally have sexaul (sic) intercourse. Sold as a novelty item only." So, do you use it to help when you can't have "normal" intercourse or is it just a gag gift? (No pun intended.)
Items designed to control premature ejaculation? Check. Condoms? Check. Dildos? Check. They've got lubes to make things glide, goo to make your naughty bits taste good, trampy lingerie, and plenty of things that go "bump" in the night. Batteries required. I love that they have the vibrators and masturbation sleeves listed under "Aids." I think I might start calling them aids. Sounds like I have an assistant!
Under special order they have items like "The Sexy Velcro Kit." I could not imagine what that meant. But just one click revealed that it contains a soft fuzzy red blind fold, a red pleasure feather, red fuzzy velcro wrist ties with tethers, and red fuzzy velcro ankle ties with tethers. S&M lite. Nice.
They also offer a cyberskin extender to enhance length and girth but which can also be used with a vibrator it says. Although it too includes the disclaimer, "For novelty purposes only." Uh huh. Me thinks the site doeth protest too much...
As for accessories, you'll find crotchless panties, remote controlled vibrating panties, and even a "Lover's Thong" with "sensual pearl-finish stroker beads." You can also find a non-piercing nipple jewelry, and "Head Candy" that will "allow you to feel and administer pleasure like never before...certified Kosher with a delicious passionfruit (sic) flavor!" Kosher. Good to know, especially for all of those Kosher keeping Christians out there.
And lest you be unsure how to use these items in a "Christian" way, fear not. Book 22 links visitors to "The Marriage Bed" for guidance. It also lists a number of other sites for reference, including "Christian Nymphos." It takes all kinds, my friends.
Let me reiterate, I hate to see any group claim that sex is of their domain and their domain alone. But, all kidding aside, I know that buying sex toys can be a daunting task. If this type of venue makes it easier for some to make that leap, well, it's a decent first step. Next step - playthings and orgasms for everyone regardless of marital status or sexual orientation! One day anyway.
In the meantime, no more excuses. For the unabashed, looking for product as well as info, there's Good Vibrations. For a site known for being particularly women-friendly there's Babeland. For those on the prowl for things that are deceivingly innocent looking but that still get the job done there's Natural Contours. And now, for those looking for something with a Christian vibe (pun intended), there's Book 22 . God Bless America!
Read more: Christian Sex, Good Vibrations, Sex, Kinky, Vibrators, Dildos, Babeland, Sex Toys, Style News
Categories: Sex and Relationships
'Lolita' Cover Archive: From Surreal To Scandalous, 150 Covers Of Nabokov's Racy Classic
Checkout this great cover gallery archiving over 150 covers of Vladimir Nabokov's masterpiece "Lolita."
Read more: Girls, Racy Books, Book Design, Sex, Books, Lolita Book Cover, Vladimir Nabokov's Lolita, Design, Book Cover, Bookcover, Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita, Sexy, Books News
Categories: Sex and Relationships
Dan Persons: Cinefantastique Podcast: The Last Exorcism
In the mood for an exorcism? Then join Dan Persons, Lawrence French, and Steve Biodrowski as they scourge the unclean spirits of THE LAST EXORCISM, casting out the plot spoilers and narrative inconsistencies that bedevil the tortured soul of the new faux-documentary from producer Eli Roth and director Daniel Stamm.
Also in this episode, a look at this week's video releases, including the THRILLER 14-disc DVD box set and the new limited edition Blu-ray disc of THE EVIL DEAD. Plus, the usual round up of news, events, and more in episode 1:29 of the Cinefantastique Podcast, your audio review of horror, fantasy & science fiction film.
IN THIS EPISODE:
1. News
2. Guess What's in 3D Now
3. Opening in Theaters
4. Discussion: The Last Exorcism
5. New on Home Video
6. New at cfqmag.com
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Check out previous episodes of the CFQ Podcast
v1n28 - The Last Exorcism
v1n27 - Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
v1n26 - 50th Anniversary Special: Black Sunday
For the latest news on horror, fantasy, and science fiction film and television, visit Cinefantastique online.
Also in this episode, a look at this week's video releases, including the THRILLER 14-disc DVD box set and the new limited edition Blu-ray disc of THE EVIL DEAD. Plus, the usual round up of news, events, and more in episode 1:29 of the Cinefantastique Podcast, your audio review of horror, fantasy & science fiction film.
IN THIS EPISODE:
1. News
2. Guess What's in 3D Now
3. Opening in Theaters
4. Discussion: The Last Exorcism
5. New on Home Video
6. New at cfqmag.com
src="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/include/audio_player.php?audio_file=http://media.blubrry.com/mightymoviepodcast/media.blubrry.com/cinefantastique/cinefantastiqueonline.com/podcast/podcast_v01n29_The_Last_Exorcism_v01.mp3" type="text/javascript">
Check out previous episodes of the CFQ Podcast
v1n28 - The Last Exorcism
v1n27 - Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
v1n26 - 50th Anniversary Special: Black Sunday
For the latest news on horror, fantasy, and science fiction film and television, visit Cinefantastique online.
Read more: Cinefantastique, The Last Exorcism, Daniel Stamm, Horror, Emotion, Sex, Drama, Suspense, Controversy, Death, Indie, Violence • Posted In: Cinefantastique, Review, Caleb Landry Jones, Cinefantastique Podcast, Fantasy, Science Fiction, Ashley Bell, Eli Roth, Patrick Fabian, Gritty, Discussion, Entertainment News
Categories: Sex and Relationships
Dan Persons: Mighty Movie Podcast: Neil Marshall on Centurion & Danièle Thompson on Change of Plans
This weekend's releases offer up some tantalizing choices: Do you want to go witty and urbane with a sharply observed dinner comedy from France? Or would you rather indulge in a gritty, adrenaline-fueled historical action film? Why not see both? (Oh, that's MMP for you -- always willing to take the bold stand.)
In Change of Plans a group of friends get together for a lovely, summer dinner party. But since the festivities are being presided over by director Danièle Thompson -- who previously gave us such sly inquests into human behavior as Cousin Cousine
and Avenue Montaigne and here uses an unusual, fractured timeline to give us frequent glimpses into the attendee's futures -- the social niceties will not be all they seem and the relationships, sexual and otherwise, are going to be more elaborate than anyone could imagine. With some cleverly crafted plot complications and a good cast -- including Dany Boon, Emmanuelle Seigner, Thompson's son Christopher, and the very fetching Blanca Li as an outsider dancing instructor -- this is a sly, subtle, and ultimately sweet observation of human frailty and resilience.
Centurion tends to focus on the resilience side of human existance, what with swords, hatchets, and various other implements of death being wielded hither and yon and a small clutch of battle-scarred soldiers trying to survive their onslaughts. Based on the historical myth of a legion of Roman warriors who vanished into the mists of northern Britain, never to return, Neil Marshall's violent imagining of their fate offers a propulsive adventure in which Michael Fassbender's dedicated centurion seeks to lead a small band of soldiers out of enemy territory while being hunted down by a relentless Pict tracker (played by Olga Kurylenko, whose inspirational physique would make anyone wish that surrender was an option). And if you remember Marshall from Dog Soldiers and The Descent, you know that once the narrative gets going, it'll be at least as relentless as the soldier's adversaries, and once things get violent, man, you'd better duck (and this isn't even in 3D!). A fitting way to commemorate the end of summer methinks.
Click on the player to hear the interviews.
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More MMP on HuffPost:
David Michod on Animal Kingdom
Samuel Maoz on Lebanon
Aaron Schneider on Get Low
Check out the Mighty Movie Podcast homepage.
In Change of Plans a group of friends get together for a lovely, summer dinner party. But since the festivities are being presided over by director Danièle Thompson -- who previously gave us such sly inquests into human behavior as Cousin Cousine
and Avenue Montaigne and here uses an unusual, fractured timeline to give us frequent glimpses into the attendee's futures -- the social niceties will not be all they seem and the relationships, sexual and otherwise, are going to be more elaborate than anyone could imagine. With some cleverly crafted plot complications and a good cast -- including Dany Boon, Emmanuelle Seigner, Thompson's son Christopher, and the very fetching Blanca Li as an outsider dancing instructor -- this is a sly, subtle, and ultimately sweet observation of human frailty and resilience.Centurion tends to focus on the resilience side of human existance, what with swords, hatchets, and various other implements of death being wielded hither and yon and a small clutch of battle-scarred soldiers trying to survive their onslaughts. Based on the historical myth of a legion of Roman warriors who vanished into the mists of northern Britain, never to return, Neil Marshall's violent imagining of their fate offers a propulsive adventure in which Michael Fassbender's dedicated centurion seeks to lead a small band of soldiers out of enemy territory while being hunted down by a relentless Pict tracker (played by Olga Kurylenko, whose inspirational physique would make anyone wish that surrender was an option). And if you remember Marshall from Dog Soldiers and The Descent, you know that once the narrative gets going, it'll be at least as relentless as the soldier's adversaries, and once things get violent, man, you'd better duck (and this isn't even in 3D!). A fitting way to commemorate the end of summer methinks.Click on the player to hear the interviews.
src="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/include/audio_player.php?audio_file=http://media.blubrry.com/mightymoviepodcast/mightymoviepodcast.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/MMP402_Change_of_Plans_Centurion.mp3" type="text/javascript">
More MMP on HuffPost:
David Michod on Animal Kingdom
Samuel Maoz on Lebanon
Aaron Schneider on Get Low
Check out the Mighty Movie Podcast homepage.
Read more: Mighty Movie Podcast, Violence, Action-Adventure, Emotion, Sex, Romance, War, Dominic West, Michael Fassbender, Drama, Olga Kurylenko, Suspense, Death, Imogen Poots, Indie, Daniele Thompson, Success, Comedy, Gore, Fantasy, Neil Marshall, Change of Plans, Gritty, British, Art, Emmanuell Seigner, Dany Boon, Centurion, Love, Entertainment News
Categories: Sex and Relationships
Dan Persons: The Chronic Rift : Fall 2010 Sci-Fi, Horror, & Fantasy Film Preview -- Part II
Jeff Bridges returns to the game grid, Harry Potter faces down some deathly hallows -- whatever the hell those are -- and Jacques Tati gets animated as The Chronic Rift producer/host John Drew and I pick up our discussion of the cinematic goodness that will be greeting us as the year raps up. And if Tron: Legacy, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, and The Illusionist (the latter by the wickedly idiosyncratic animator Sylvain Chomet and based on an unfilmed script by the legendary Tati) don't give you the tingles, hang on kid, cause that's just the smallest fraction of what's coming up in November and December.
Click on the player to discover how much you've got to look forward to.
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Click on the player to discover how much you've got to look forward to.
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And if you somehow missed the first part of this discussion, you can hear it here.
Read more: Violence, Action-Adventure, Horror, Emotion, Sex, Romantic Comedy, Drama, The Chronic Rift, Suspense, Controversy, Death, Indie, Success, Comedy, Science Fiction, Satire, Fantasy, Off Beat, Explosions, Gritty, Art, Animation, Love, Entertainment News
Categories: Sex and Relationships
Inside Chicago's Sins Center, BDSM's Popularity Grows Among Senior Citizens
Errol and I are in the car. He's been to The Sins Center before and I, well, I have never been to a BDSM club. "So tell me again about the last time you were there," I ask. He shakes his head. "So I walk in, checking out the place and I notice there are a lot of older people. I sit down and this little old lady comes up. Gray hair, you know someone's Grandma, here to pick them up. Then this guy starts tying her onto the equipment, pulling out crops and paddles. And she starts taking a beating. She's got age spots... this guy is whipping them."
Read more: Chicago Bdsm, Bdsm, Senior Sex, Elderly Sex, Sex, Sins Center, Chicago Sins Center, Chicago News
Categories: Sex and Relationships
Dan Persons: The Chronic Rift : Fall 2010 Sci-Fi, Horror, & Fantasy Film Preview
And the wonderful world of Upstart continues to expand. In anticipation of my assuming the role of movie critic for The Chronic Rift -- the legendary discussion show of all things science fiction, fantasy and horror that's beginning its third year as a podcast -- John Drew invited me on to discuss what genre fans should be looking forward to in the coming months. As you can expect, the conversation consists of equal parts reasoned insight, wild speculation, and geeky enthusiasm. I wouldn't have it any other way.
It's also only half the conversation, since we went on at such length that the show had to be split into two parts. John notes at the end of this segment that part two will follow tomorrow. It may appear here as well, or it may be pushed back just a bit so we can bring you the CFQ Post-Mortem (this week devoted to a discussion of the worlds of Ray Bradbury and William Castle), and the latest episode of Mighty Movie Podcast, featuring Neil Marshall discussing his cojones-out historic adventure film, Centurion, and Daniele Thompson on her wry comedy, Change of Plans. We're nothing if not eclectic here.
If you just can't wait, we heartily commend you to www.chronicrift.com, where you can catch the thrilling conclusion as soon as it posts. (And hear lots of other good eps as well.)
Click on the player to hear Part One.
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It's also only half the conversation, since we went on at such length that the show had to be split into two parts. John notes at the end of this segment that part two will follow tomorrow. It may appear here as well, or it may be pushed back just a bit so we can bring you the CFQ Post-Mortem (this week devoted to a discussion of the worlds of Ray Bradbury and William Castle), and the latest episode of Mighty Movie Podcast, featuring Neil Marshall discussing his cojones-out historic adventure film, Centurion, and Daniele Thompson on her wry comedy, Change of Plans. We're nothing if not eclectic here.
If you just can't wait, we heartily commend you to www.chronicrift.com, where you can catch the thrilling conclusion as soon as it posts. (And hear lots of other good eps as well.)
Click on the player to hear Part One.
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Categories: Sex and Relationships
Jessica Radloff: What Guys Want You to Know (Part 2)
The obvious start to this column is that I just can't get enough of guys. Not just any guy mind you--good-looking, intelligent, charismatic, loyal and forthcoming guys. The kind that you wish you could date (if only they weren't in a relationship, engaged or married!) and even if they're not available, the kind that give you hope that you'll eventually find one who is.
It's why I wanted to interrogate the you-know-what out of them to discover everything ranging from their biggest pet peeves about women to how they like their significant other to broach a tough topic.
This time I asked guys two questions in particular that I really wanted to know the answers to. First, much like which comes first--the chicken or the egg?--I wanted to know which comes first for guys: the urge to settle down and get married, or the right girl when you're not looking. Secondly, a question that I know pops up a lot (and please get your mind out of the gutter, although we'll get to sex in a minute), is whether or not the Facebook relationship status is really that big of a deal.
Many of the guys I spoke with said it's something that girls make a huge deal out of, but it's the last thing they think of. Funny thing is, I've noticed that for those guys that are really happy in a relationship, or really want to let the rest of the FB world know that their girl is taken, they'll absolutely change their relationship status without any prodding from outside sources. So why do they still say it's no big deal? Ego, perhaps? I want to know your experiences with the FB relationship status change, and then in my next column, I'll press them more on the issue.
Speaking of, part 2 of What Guys Want You to Know was already planned from the beginning, but thanks to all the great feedback I've been getting, a part 3 is definitely in the works. Seems there is a bunch of stuff we want to know about guys, straight from the horse's mouth. This time, in addition to questions I'll be putting together, I want to hear from you guys too. What would you like my panel of guys to answer? Leave me a comment below, your name/age (if you want), and I'll be sure to include it in my next column.
Meanwhile, I'll be leaving my own answers to my own questions, based on what the guys have told me. Tell me what you think.
Thanks so much! Enjoy!
Q: How long is too long to wait before sleeping together when just starting to date?
"That totally depends on the relationship. You will know when you know. In this day and age, there should be no judgment on that topic. Do what you have to do--we are all consenting adults after all--and if it is meant to be, time will not be a factor and it will happen naturally on its own."
-Michael M., 37, Los Angeles, Actor, Married
"(The number of months you've been single) divided by (the number of dates you've been on) multiplied by zero."
-Aaron K., 31, Los Angeles, Author & Comedian, Single
Author's Note: Haha, Aaron.
"I think that depends 100% on the situation. Using specific numbers of dates or numbers of weeks/months as your gauge is a bad idea. Why be so calculating or put expectations on the other person? You'll both know when you're ready. I think that's one of the biggest problems with dating these days. People are made to feel that every relationship has a timeline of how things should progress and that it must be followed. I have a friend who recently got engaged after dating for 6 years. I can't imagine how many times she was asked about when they were going to get engaged. She felt their waiting was the right thing to do. So there is not set amount of time to me.
-Tony B., 40, St. Louis, Financial Services, Engaged
"There is no answer for that. Every dating situation is different."
-Bob M., 31, Chicago, Attorney, In-a-Relationship
"More than a month is too long. I'd say three/four dates."
-Jason M., 29, St. Louis, Marketing, In-a-Relationship
(Author's Interruption: However, after knowing Jason for so long, I can honestly say that as long as he's interested in the girl, he'll wait till she's ready.)
"I am sure this is different for every guy. I was looking for a girl that was sexual compatible--which means really naughty! So if I didn't get some pretty naughty sex early in the first few dates I made the decision that we were not compatible. (Author's interruption: WOAH BABY! As you can imagine, I was a little taken aback when my Mikey told me this. He's not a jerk, he's not a pervert, but I also know that what he is saying is how many guys do feel. I wanted to know more, and so, I asked him. But first, I'll let him finish) I also don't care how many or who a girl was with before me. If you want a guy that is pristine and doesn't need sex to be a major part of the relationship, then wait. Hell, wait till marriage. It will ensure you weed out guys like me."
-Michael U., 33, Las Vegas, Casino Manager, Married with kids
Follow-up question: Ok, buddy, but what if you are dating a girl who you have amazing physical chemistry with, but she would rather wait to sleep with you until she knows you guys are exclusive and you're not sleeping around with others? Is that too much to ask?
"If we talked openly and she wanted exclusivity before a romp in the hay, then no problem. I have never dated more than one girl at a time anyway. . .that would be way too much work! On a side note, girls that say what they want with confidence are very attractive. Although I believe women feel the same way about a confident man who can tell you what he needs to be happy."
Author's Note: Alright, much better! You passed.
"By the time you reach the end of sentence you should know. Seriously, when you know, it just happens. Chemistry has no right or wrong time. DON'T PLAY GAMES. You will always lose."
-Buck W., 31, Detroit, Social Media Director/On-Air CBS Radio, Married
"I think that all depends on the couple. Could be the third date, could be a couple months. Just depends."
-Michael K., 34, New York City, Editior/Social Media Genius, Engaged
Author's Observation: I love that all the guys basically said there is no timeline. It's true--there really isn't. Whoever came up with that 3-date rule needs to hang out with Steve Harvey, who mandated a 90-day rule in his book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. I mean, seriously, what on earth? Can you imagine saying to your boyfriend on day 80, "Sorry honey. Not tonight. We have to wait 10 more days. Steve said so." First of all, they are going to wonder who the hell Steve is and why he has the say in this relationship, and secondly, why you're impressionable enough to listen to a stranger. I don't care if you wait a day or until you get married--as long as you are being physically smart (Condoms and the pill, people!) and emotionally aware (it's been said before, but I'll say it again--don't sleep with a guy just because you're afraid he'll lose interest if you don't!), it doesn't matter when you do it. If longevity is what you're after, take your time, and own your decision.
One of the most candid responses--from Michael U.--was great because it reflects what a lot of guys think when it comes to sex. My favorite part though was what Mike hit on at the end. . . it doesn't matter what a girl wants, as long as she says it with confidence. If you need exclusivity before jumping into the sack, then say so confidently--because you're worth it! (And no, a L'Oreal commercial did not just come on). If you don't let a guy know what you need (in bed, or in a relationship) and what's important to you, then they'll lose interest--fast. That goes for whether you're underneath the sheets or ordering at a restaurant.
Q: Which comes first for a guy: the urge to settle down and find 'the one,' or the right girl when you're not looking?
"The right girl comes first. If you're dating someone and there is no thought in your head that you want to settle down, then I think that's more of a sign that the person you are dating is not the one. I knew within a very short amount of time that my fiancée was the one I wanted to marry and 'settle down' with. Although, I don't like the term as it contains the word 'settle' which has a negative connotation."
-Tony B.
(Author's Note: This is where it helps being friends with who you interview. Although Tony is correct when he says he knew his fiancée was the one after a short amount of time, I also knew that before he met her, he was looking for that relationship. In his case, I prefer to think of it as wanting to 'settle' down {sorry Tony!} but not willing to 'settle' for anyone but the right girl.)
"Tough one. . . I didn't find the right girl until I decided to look. Before that I was too busy to find the right girl. I think most guys have to be looking, but that's just a guess."
-Michael U.
"Urge to settle down and find 'the one.'"
-Jason M.
"Without a doubt, the right one when you're not looking. When we look, we always find the 'idea' of what we're looking for and not the real deal."
-Buck W.
"The right girl when you're not looking. No, literally--physically knocking a woman down is a good conversation starter."
-Matthew H., 32, Seattle, Senior Magazine Editor--Seattle Metropolitan Magazine, Married and father of one
(Author's Note: Um, ok, Matthew, we'll take your word for it!)
"I never really pictured myself as the marrying type. I was always more the 'independent video artist' type. I went on match.com to see if I could find someone for a serious relationship--a 'partner for life' if you will. I didn't think that match.com would actually work. Being on match.com in a city like New York is part of the 'in' thing to do, so I signed up. However, once you meet the right one, you realize that there is a lot more to life than dating, (editing) video, and Starbucks."
-Michael K.
"Neither. You will find the right girl when you are ready. She may not be the 'one,' but that only exists in fairy tales."
-Bob M.
(Author's Note: Ladies, what do you think?)
Author's Observation: As I mentioned in the beginning, I couldn't wait to ask this question to the guys. No shocker here that they were pretty much split down the middle. But in my observations I've discovered that if a guy is not in the right frame of mind to get married and think of a family, it doesn't matter if the right girl came along and hit him upside down the head. It might make them start to think about creating a life together and eventually speed up the process, but unless they are secure in their career and happy with their life, most likely it won't happen. If you want to find the guy that will lead to a long-term relationship (and eventually marriage), make sure you don't waste too much time with a guy who doesn't. No amount of pressure and urging is going to make them ready to 'settle' down.
Side note: Kudos to Tony B. for saying that a lot of us are thinking--who came up with the term "settle down?" How depressing!
Q: If a guy hasn't indicated he's 'in a relationship' on Facebook, do you think it means he's not ready to take the relationship to the next level, or is the relationship status on Facebook just not that big of a deal for guys?
"He probably doesn't even know how to update his relationship status, and hasn't given it 1000th of a percent the thought that you have."
-Aaron K.
"It's definitely not that big of a deal for guys. And girls, if he has not changed his status, feel free to keep yours single as well."
-Bob M.
(Author's Note: For the record, Bob's does say 'In a Relationship.')
"I don't think social media status updates count much in real life. Some take it very seriously. I hear many friends say 'if it's not on Facebook, it's not for real.' I don't get it. ☺
-Michael K.
(Author's Note: For the record, Michael indicates he's 'Engaged.')
Author's Observation: Years ago, when MySpace was all the rage (Facebook what?), it drove me nuts when my boyfriend kept his single status. I didn't want to make a big deal of it (in fact, I kept trying to convince myself that it didn't mean anything), but a very wise friend mentioned that by keeping it listed as single, it was basically false advertising. And it was! Because it was important to me, I casually (and coyly) mentioned one day, 'so according to MySpace, you're still single, huh?'--with a bat of the eyelashes. "All your girlfriends must love that, lol." My boyfriend responded with, 'oh yeah, ha, I should probably change that.' But guess what, he never did. I wasn't about to be one of 'those' girls who beats something to the ground with a guy, so I decided my one and only attempt would be it. Unfortunately, it came as no shock when a month later we split up (his doing--he just wanted to be single). In relationships since, I've noticed that if a guy is reluctant to indicate a change (unless they rarely go on Facebook, don't like writing status updates, or really value their privacy), it's a good indicator about what they're thinking regarding the state of your relationship. It's ok to bring it up, but after that, just drop it, and wait to see how things play out. You'll get your answer eventually.
One last thing---even though both Bob and Michael K. say it doesn't really matter, the fact that they both indicate they are either in-a-relationship or engaged on FB says something. Girls might read more into the Facebook stuff than guys, but in this day and age of social networking, a simple switch of the status update goes a long way.
Stay tuned for part 3 of "What Guys Want YOU to Know" coming soon. In the meantime, if you missed part 1 of what these genius guys had to say, you can read it here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jessica-radloff/what-guys-want-you-to-kno_b_687159.html
It's why I wanted to interrogate the you-know-what out of them to discover everything ranging from their biggest pet peeves about women to how they like their significant other to broach a tough topic.
This time I asked guys two questions in particular that I really wanted to know the answers to. First, much like which comes first--the chicken or the egg?--I wanted to know which comes first for guys: the urge to settle down and get married, or the right girl when you're not looking. Secondly, a question that I know pops up a lot (and please get your mind out of the gutter, although we'll get to sex in a minute), is whether or not the Facebook relationship status is really that big of a deal.
Many of the guys I spoke with said it's something that girls make a huge deal out of, but it's the last thing they think of. Funny thing is, I've noticed that for those guys that are really happy in a relationship, or really want to let the rest of the FB world know that their girl is taken, they'll absolutely change their relationship status without any prodding from outside sources. So why do they still say it's no big deal? Ego, perhaps? I want to know your experiences with the FB relationship status change, and then in my next column, I'll press them more on the issue.
Speaking of, part 2 of What Guys Want You to Know was already planned from the beginning, but thanks to all the great feedback I've been getting, a part 3 is definitely in the works. Seems there is a bunch of stuff we want to know about guys, straight from the horse's mouth. This time, in addition to questions I'll be putting together, I want to hear from you guys too. What would you like my panel of guys to answer? Leave me a comment below, your name/age (if you want), and I'll be sure to include it in my next column.
Meanwhile, I'll be leaving my own answers to my own questions, based on what the guys have told me. Tell me what you think.
Thanks so much! Enjoy!
Q: How long is too long to wait before sleeping together when just starting to date?
"That totally depends on the relationship. You will know when you know. In this day and age, there should be no judgment on that topic. Do what you have to do--we are all consenting adults after all--and if it is meant to be, time will not be a factor and it will happen naturally on its own."
-Michael M., 37, Los Angeles, Actor, Married
"(The number of months you've been single) divided by (the number of dates you've been on) multiplied by zero."
-Aaron K., 31, Los Angeles, Author & Comedian, Single
Author's Note: Haha, Aaron.
"I think that depends 100% on the situation. Using specific numbers of dates or numbers of weeks/months as your gauge is a bad idea. Why be so calculating or put expectations on the other person? You'll both know when you're ready. I think that's one of the biggest problems with dating these days. People are made to feel that every relationship has a timeline of how things should progress and that it must be followed. I have a friend who recently got engaged after dating for 6 years. I can't imagine how many times she was asked about when they were going to get engaged. She felt their waiting was the right thing to do. So there is not set amount of time to me.
-Tony B., 40, St. Louis, Financial Services, Engaged
"There is no answer for that. Every dating situation is different."
-Bob M., 31, Chicago, Attorney, In-a-Relationship
"More than a month is too long. I'd say three/four dates."
-Jason M., 29, St. Louis, Marketing, In-a-Relationship
(Author's Interruption: However, after knowing Jason for so long, I can honestly say that as long as he's interested in the girl, he'll wait till she's ready.)
"I am sure this is different for every guy. I was looking for a girl that was sexual compatible--which means really naughty! So if I didn't get some pretty naughty sex early in the first few dates I made the decision that we were not compatible. (Author's interruption: WOAH BABY! As you can imagine, I was a little taken aback when my Mikey told me this. He's not a jerk, he's not a pervert, but I also know that what he is saying is how many guys do feel. I wanted to know more, and so, I asked him. But first, I'll let him finish) I also don't care how many or who a girl was with before me. If you want a guy that is pristine and doesn't need sex to be a major part of the relationship, then wait. Hell, wait till marriage. It will ensure you weed out guys like me."
-Michael U., 33, Las Vegas, Casino Manager, Married with kids
Follow-up question: Ok, buddy, but what if you are dating a girl who you have amazing physical chemistry with, but she would rather wait to sleep with you until she knows you guys are exclusive and you're not sleeping around with others? Is that too much to ask?
"If we talked openly and she wanted exclusivity before a romp in the hay, then no problem. I have never dated more than one girl at a time anyway. . .that would be way too much work! On a side note, girls that say what they want with confidence are very attractive. Although I believe women feel the same way about a confident man who can tell you what he needs to be happy."
Author's Note: Alright, much better! You passed.
"By the time you reach the end of sentence you should know. Seriously, when you know, it just happens. Chemistry has no right or wrong time. DON'T PLAY GAMES. You will always lose."
-Buck W., 31, Detroit, Social Media Director/On-Air CBS Radio, Married
"I think that all depends on the couple. Could be the third date, could be a couple months. Just depends."
-Michael K., 34, New York City, Editior/Social Media Genius, Engaged
Author's Observation: I love that all the guys basically said there is no timeline. It's true--there really isn't. Whoever came up with that 3-date rule needs to hang out with Steve Harvey, who mandated a 90-day rule in his book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. I mean, seriously, what on earth? Can you imagine saying to your boyfriend on day 80, "Sorry honey. Not tonight. We have to wait 10 more days. Steve said so." First of all, they are going to wonder who the hell Steve is and why he has the say in this relationship, and secondly, why you're impressionable enough to listen to a stranger. I don't care if you wait a day or until you get married--as long as you are being physically smart (Condoms and the pill, people!) and emotionally aware (it's been said before, but I'll say it again--don't sleep with a guy just because you're afraid he'll lose interest if you don't!), it doesn't matter when you do it. If longevity is what you're after, take your time, and own your decision.
One of the most candid responses--from Michael U.--was great because it reflects what a lot of guys think when it comes to sex. My favorite part though was what Mike hit on at the end. . . it doesn't matter what a girl wants, as long as she says it with confidence. If you need exclusivity before jumping into the sack, then say so confidently--because you're worth it! (And no, a L'Oreal commercial did not just come on). If you don't let a guy know what you need (in bed, or in a relationship) and what's important to you, then they'll lose interest--fast. That goes for whether you're underneath the sheets or ordering at a restaurant.
Q: Which comes first for a guy: the urge to settle down and find 'the one,' or the right girl when you're not looking?
"The right girl comes first. If you're dating someone and there is no thought in your head that you want to settle down, then I think that's more of a sign that the person you are dating is not the one. I knew within a very short amount of time that my fiancée was the one I wanted to marry and 'settle down' with. Although, I don't like the term as it contains the word 'settle' which has a negative connotation."
-Tony B.
(Author's Note: This is where it helps being friends with who you interview. Although Tony is correct when he says he knew his fiancée was the one after a short amount of time, I also knew that before he met her, he was looking for that relationship. In his case, I prefer to think of it as wanting to 'settle' down {sorry Tony!} but not willing to 'settle' for anyone but the right girl.)
"Tough one. . . I didn't find the right girl until I decided to look. Before that I was too busy to find the right girl. I think most guys have to be looking, but that's just a guess."
-Michael U.
"Urge to settle down and find 'the one.'"
-Jason M.
"Without a doubt, the right one when you're not looking. When we look, we always find the 'idea' of what we're looking for and not the real deal."
-Buck W.
"The right girl when you're not looking. No, literally--physically knocking a woman down is a good conversation starter."
-Matthew H., 32, Seattle, Senior Magazine Editor--Seattle Metropolitan Magazine, Married and father of one
(Author's Note: Um, ok, Matthew, we'll take your word for it!)
"I never really pictured myself as the marrying type. I was always more the 'independent video artist' type. I went on match.com to see if I could find someone for a serious relationship--a 'partner for life' if you will. I didn't think that match.com would actually work. Being on match.com in a city like New York is part of the 'in' thing to do, so I signed up. However, once you meet the right one, you realize that there is a lot more to life than dating, (editing) video, and Starbucks."
-Michael K.
"Neither. You will find the right girl when you are ready. She may not be the 'one,' but that only exists in fairy tales."
-Bob M.
(Author's Note: Ladies, what do you think?)
Author's Observation: As I mentioned in the beginning, I couldn't wait to ask this question to the guys. No shocker here that they were pretty much split down the middle. But in my observations I've discovered that if a guy is not in the right frame of mind to get married and think of a family, it doesn't matter if the right girl came along and hit him upside down the head. It might make them start to think about creating a life together and eventually speed up the process, but unless they are secure in their career and happy with their life, most likely it won't happen. If you want to find the guy that will lead to a long-term relationship (and eventually marriage), make sure you don't waste too much time with a guy who doesn't. No amount of pressure and urging is going to make them ready to 'settle' down.
Side note: Kudos to Tony B. for saying that a lot of us are thinking--who came up with the term "settle down?" How depressing!
Q: If a guy hasn't indicated he's 'in a relationship' on Facebook, do you think it means he's not ready to take the relationship to the next level, or is the relationship status on Facebook just not that big of a deal for guys?
"He probably doesn't even know how to update his relationship status, and hasn't given it 1000th of a percent the thought that you have."
-Aaron K.
"It's definitely not that big of a deal for guys. And girls, if he has not changed his status, feel free to keep yours single as well."
-Bob M.
(Author's Note: For the record, Bob's does say 'In a Relationship.')
"I don't think social media status updates count much in real life. Some take it very seriously. I hear many friends say 'if it's not on Facebook, it's not for real.' I don't get it. ☺
-Michael K.
(Author's Note: For the record, Michael indicates he's 'Engaged.')
Author's Observation: Years ago, when MySpace was all the rage (Facebook what?), it drove me nuts when my boyfriend kept his single status. I didn't want to make a big deal of it (in fact, I kept trying to convince myself that it didn't mean anything), but a very wise friend mentioned that by keeping it listed as single, it was basically false advertising. And it was! Because it was important to me, I casually (and coyly) mentioned one day, 'so according to MySpace, you're still single, huh?'--with a bat of the eyelashes. "All your girlfriends must love that, lol." My boyfriend responded with, 'oh yeah, ha, I should probably change that.' But guess what, he never did. I wasn't about to be one of 'those' girls who beats something to the ground with a guy, so I decided my one and only attempt would be it. Unfortunately, it came as no shock when a month later we split up (his doing--he just wanted to be single). In relationships since, I've noticed that if a guy is reluctant to indicate a change (unless they rarely go on Facebook, don't like writing status updates, or really value their privacy), it's a good indicator about what they're thinking regarding the state of your relationship. It's ok to bring it up, but after that, just drop it, and wait to see how things play out. You'll get your answer eventually.
One last thing---even though both Bob and Michael K. say it doesn't really matter, the fact that they both indicate they are either in-a-relationship or engaged on FB says something. Girls might read more into the Facebook stuff than guys, but in this day and age of social networking, a simple switch of the status update goes a long way.
Stay tuned for part 3 of "What Guys Want YOU to Know" coming soon. In the meantime, if you missed part 1 of what these genius guys had to say, you can read it here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jessica-radloff/what-guys-want-you-to-kno_b_687159.html
Read more: Facebook, Relationships, Myspace, Dating Advice, Guys, Sex, Dating, Style News
Categories: Sex and Relationships
Jan Herman: Supervert Gets Into Her Head
The last time I mentioned Supervert, the nom de plume of a writer I know, the headline, Better Than a Review, referred to a YouTube video that a fan made about Supervert's latest book, Perversity Think Tank.
The other day, an interview with Supervert showed up on the Web site Dark Markets that led me to a review of Necrophilia Variations, his previous book, about death, desire and deviance, which puts the lie to that headline. The reviewer writes:
Every once in a while, I find a book that affects me so greatly that it lingers long after it's been devoured and placed back on the shelf. I have a feeling that SUPERVERT's collection will be with me forever, worming its way deeper and deeper into my brain until its presence is untraceable.
Is there a writer alive who wouldn't kill for a review like Jessica Brown's? I don't know who Brown is. But she's one smart critic. Her interview with Supervert is terrific, too. Here's a sample:
Have you always been interested in things that are generally seen as depraved?Yes, always. When I was being pushed out the birth canal, I managed to lift my head and give my mother a chomp on the clitoris. Nothing has changed since.Of all unusual and unpopular practices, why did you choose exophilia and necrophilia?It is difficult to articulate the "why" of a choice to write about something. A few nights ago I had a dream in which a friend confessed to some eccentricities in her sexuality. She was seeking some sort of approval, which I gave her. I then informed her about a sexual pathology called "anusitis diametes" -- a made-up condition, fabricated in the workshop of sleep. When I woke up, I marveled that my brain had invented this scientific-sounding term without my having the slightest idea what it meant.Writing is a similar process. Something appears in my head and a book is the record of my attempt to fathom it. This was especially true of Extraterrestrial Sex Fetish. I didn't choose the subject so much as it forced itself on me. I made up the term "exophilia," but it was to describe something already flourishing like a tumor in my brain.Is there anything that does personally offend you?Bad manners. Nietzsche defined philosophy as the ability to reverse perspectives, and the same could be said of courtesy. It is a matter of thinking the thoughts of others -- the people around you, their needs, their movements, their reasons for doing what they do. A philosopher who lacks such an ability to get outside his own head can't be much of a thinker, thus courtesy is a good indicator of a genuinely philosophical temperamentWhat do you think about the American culture of celebrity worship? Would that be classifiable as a perversion?Celebrity worship is very much the norm. Perversity is to turn away from it, to eschew the spotlights in favor of the obscure and the shadowy.
That's my kind of writer.
The other day, an interview with Supervert showed up on the Web site Dark Markets that led me to a review of Necrophilia Variations, his previous book, about death, desire and deviance, which puts the lie to that headline. The reviewer writes:Every once in a while, I find a book that affects me so greatly that it lingers long after it's been devoured and placed back on the shelf. I have a feeling that SUPERVERT's collection will be with me forever, worming its way deeper and deeper into my brain until its presence is untraceable.
Is there a writer alive who wouldn't kill for a review like Jessica Brown's? I don't know who Brown is. But she's one smart critic. Her interview with Supervert is terrific, too. Here's a sample:
Have you always been interested in things that are generally seen as depraved?Yes, always. When I was being pushed out the birth canal, I managed to lift my head and give my mother a chomp on the clitoris. Nothing has changed since.Of all unusual and unpopular practices, why did you choose exophilia and necrophilia?It is difficult to articulate the "why" of a choice to write about something. A few nights ago I had a dream in which a friend confessed to some eccentricities in her sexuality. She was seeking some sort of approval, which I gave her. I then informed her about a sexual pathology called "anusitis diametes" -- a made-up condition, fabricated in the workshop of sleep. When I woke up, I marveled that my brain had invented this scientific-sounding term without my having the slightest idea what it meant.Writing is a similar process. Something appears in my head and a book is the record of my attempt to fathom it. This was especially true of Extraterrestrial Sex Fetish. I didn't choose the subject so much as it forced itself on me. I made up the term "exophilia," but it was to describe something already flourishing like a tumor in my brain.Is there anything that does personally offend you?Bad manners. Nietzsche defined philosophy as the ability to reverse perspectives, and the same could be said of courtesy. It is a matter of thinking the thoughts of others -- the people around you, their needs, their movements, their reasons for doing what they do. A philosopher who lacks such an ability to get outside his own head can't be much of a thinker, thus courtesy is a good indicator of a genuinely philosophical temperamentWhat do you think about the American culture of celebrity worship? Would that be classifiable as a perversion?Celebrity worship is very much the norm. Perversity is to turn away from it, to eschew the spotlights in favor of the obscure and the shadowy.That's my kind of writer.
Read more: Dark Markets, Jessica Brown, Perversity, Sex, Death, Supervert, Arts News
Categories: Sex and Relationships
Michael Cohen: Ask Michael Cohen: How to Avoid Dangerous Relationships
I work at a major advertising agency in New York City, and I am the assistant to the most sought after man at the agency. Seriously, he puts Don Draper from Mad Men to shame. Girls (and the fabulous gays) always walk by to catch a glimpse of him, eavesdrop or whatever they possibly can to learn anything about him. He doesn't have a Facebook profile -- that's how secretive he is. Now, I feel myself developing a slight crush on him. We have lunch at least once a week and drinks one night a week. This is how he likes to catch up on work, give me guidance and all that good stuff. But I feel like this is dangerous for me. Anyway, how do I stop myself from getting a massive crush on my boss? Name Withheld, New York City
First I was thinking you may be a naive young thing, but you were smart enough to withhold your name because you know you are going to send all the advertising world gossips in a tizzy wondering who this executive may be. I'm wondering myself and I already sent out an SOS to Stephanie Jones at Donny Deutsch.
Anyway, here is the first line of advice -- don't get caught up in the drama. Let the girls and the gays walk by all day with their high school crushes. You are there, honey, to do a job, and that is to be the best assistant you can be. The job description doesn't include flirting, dates or office politics, which is so pre-recession. We are in a world where if you don't produce, you'll be working in the produce section of your nearest market.
Secondly, I am not a fan of you going out after work hours with your handsome boss -- even if he says it's a practical way to "catch up on work." Whatever needs to be accomplished can certainly be done during normal work hours, which I imagine encompasses twelve hour days. Business lunches are fine and part and parcel to the advertising world, but drinks with the boss every week is basically dating. Why don't you diplomatically suggest a weekly breakfast meeting instead? What I am trying to get at is don't spend time with your boss out of the office, after the sun sets.
As for your boss -- why do I get the feeling he is a crazy egomaniac who enjoys all the attention and the crushes?
If you switch from vodka at 7 p.m. to granola at 7 a.m. and still have a crush on your boss, request a transfer before this becomes a Halle Berry/Bruce Willis Perfect Stranger situation.
For the past three months I have been working out with a trainer. I have noticed the best results I ever had, and we have developed a personal rapport. It's seriously the best experience, and I've gone through many personal trainers. Now there's a bump in the road. Two weeks ago he told me how he and his boyfriend have broken up and all I can think about is having sex with him. We work out and I ask him to show me new exercises just so I can stare at him. I also found out his work schedule so I can see him even when we don't have sessions. I'm scaring myself with this new obsession. How do I stop this behavior?
Mark K, Chicago
You need to get laid and get your mind off your trainer. Seriously, that's what I did. Last year I had this really crazy crush on my trainer. He had a boyfriend, but I used to have this motto, "If you cant make a happy home, then wreck one." And so I went ahead, started planting all the seeds, and then it dawned on me, "what the f*ck am I doing?" This isn't the last guy in the world.
If you find yourself in this trap, understand that being obsessed with your trainer will make what has been a great, healthy experience into a very unhealthy one. It's nothing you can discuss with him, but here is a tip on how to remove yourself from the grasp he unknowingly has on you. Tell him that you are going to move on because you feel you have reached a plateau with his training program. Magazines from Women's Health to the New York Times recommend changing trainers every few months so he will surely believe you. And I always feel that if you are in a strange situation, the best thing to do it remove yourself from it with grace. You'll see that the obsession will quickly fade, especially if you keep getting laid.
My husband and I have a couple great sets of friends. Recently I feel like wife of one is definitely crossing the line. The past few dinners, where a group of us hit the town, she has somehow managed to sit next to my husband and flirt up a storm. I know she has a crush on him. But I'm married to one of those men who are oblivious to everything and would tell me that I'm being a drama queen. I don't want to tear up the group, but I also don't want her at our house for a Labor day bash. What's your advice on how to handle this "friend?" Lisa G, New York
I always trust my intuition on matters like this. So I hear what you're saying. If you feel that this woman is slithering up next to your man, that's all the ammunition you need.
You have to diffuse the situation, slowly and carefully. The first step is to cut back plans that involve said slutty friend. If she knows what she's doing, this will really drive home the point that you know what she's up to you and you don't like it.
When plans with this person are inevitable, you'll have to be aggressive not passive when it comes to seating arrangements. Arrange it so a different member of your click is on one side of your man, and you are on the other.
Lastly, don't invite this person to your house under any circumstances. These three things will send a clear message precisely to the intended recipient without raising any suspicions with your husband. Sometimes you just have to take matters into your own hands. A systematic shutdown of this type usually works.
Need style advice? Ask me a question at askmichaelcohen.com or in the comments section here.
First I was thinking you may be a naive young thing, but you were smart enough to withhold your name because you know you are going to send all the advertising world gossips in a tizzy wondering who this executive may be. I'm wondering myself and I already sent out an SOS to Stephanie Jones at Donny Deutsch.
Anyway, here is the first line of advice -- don't get caught up in the drama. Let the girls and the gays walk by all day with their high school crushes. You are there, honey, to do a job, and that is to be the best assistant you can be. The job description doesn't include flirting, dates or office politics, which is so pre-recession. We are in a world where if you don't produce, you'll be working in the produce section of your nearest market.
Secondly, I am not a fan of you going out after work hours with your handsome boss -- even if he says it's a practical way to "catch up on work." Whatever needs to be accomplished can certainly be done during normal work hours, which I imagine encompasses twelve hour days. Business lunches are fine and part and parcel to the advertising world, but drinks with the boss every week is basically dating. Why don't you diplomatically suggest a weekly breakfast meeting instead? What I am trying to get at is don't spend time with your boss out of the office, after the sun sets.
As for your boss -- why do I get the feeling he is a crazy egomaniac who enjoys all the attention and the crushes?
If you switch from vodka at 7 p.m. to granola at 7 a.m. and still have a crush on your boss, request a transfer before this becomes a Halle Berry/Bruce Willis Perfect Stranger situation.
For the past three months I have been working out with a trainer. I have noticed the best results I ever had, and we have developed a personal rapport. It's seriously the best experience, and I've gone through many personal trainers. Now there's a bump in the road. Two weeks ago he told me how he and his boyfriend have broken up and all I can think about is having sex with him. We work out and I ask him to show me new exercises just so I can stare at him. I also found out his work schedule so I can see him even when we don't have sessions. I'm scaring myself with this new obsession. How do I stop this behavior?
Mark K, Chicago
You need to get laid and get your mind off your trainer. Seriously, that's what I did. Last year I had this really crazy crush on my trainer. He had a boyfriend, but I used to have this motto, "If you cant make a happy home, then wreck one." And so I went ahead, started planting all the seeds, and then it dawned on me, "what the f*ck am I doing?" This isn't the last guy in the world.
If you find yourself in this trap, understand that being obsessed with your trainer will make what has been a great, healthy experience into a very unhealthy one. It's nothing you can discuss with him, but here is a tip on how to remove yourself from the grasp he unknowingly has on you. Tell him that you are going to move on because you feel you have reached a plateau with his training program. Magazines from Women's Health to the New York Times recommend changing trainers every few months so he will surely believe you. And I always feel that if you are in a strange situation, the best thing to do it remove yourself from it with grace. You'll see that the obsession will quickly fade, especially if you keep getting laid.
My husband and I have a couple great sets of friends. Recently I feel like wife of one is definitely crossing the line. The past few dinners, where a group of us hit the town, she has somehow managed to sit next to my husband and flirt up a storm. I know she has a crush on him. But I'm married to one of those men who are oblivious to everything and would tell me that I'm being a drama queen. I don't want to tear up the group, but I also don't want her at our house for a Labor day bash. What's your advice on how to handle this "friend?" Lisa G, New York
I always trust my intuition on matters like this. So I hear what you're saying. If you feel that this woman is slithering up next to your man, that's all the ammunition you need.
You have to diffuse the situation, slowly and carefully. The first step is to cut back plans that involve said slutty friend. If she knows what she's doing, this will really drive home the point that you know what she's up to you and you don't like it.
When plans with this person are inevitable, you'll have to be aggressive not passive when it comes to seating arrangements. Arrange it so a different member of your click is on one side of your man, and you are on the other.
Lastly, don't invite this person to your house under any circumstances. These three things will send a clear message precisely to the intended recipient without raising any suspicions with your husband. Sometimes you just have to take matters into your own hands. A systematic shutdown of this type usually works.
Need style advice? Ask me a question at askmichaelcohen.com or in the comments section here.
Read more: Mad Men, Style News, Style Advice, Relationship Advice, Donny Deutsch, Relationships, Style, Sex, Career Advice, Etiquette, Gay, Sex Advice, Style News
Categories: Sex and Relationships
Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright: Oral Sex as Main Play Appears Officially Mainstream
For years, media headlines have been screaming that everyone is into oral sex. But it's only recently that we've started to see the research results to back this claim. According to a newly published study out of the University of Alberta, oral sex has become quite the common activity for young Canadian women.
Every participant who reported having had sexual intercourse also reported having engaged in oral sex, though interviews with the lead researcher, Brea Malacad, do not clarify if this is oral action is giving, receiving or both. The research, published in the European Journal of Contraception and Reproductive Health Care, further showed that about half of respondents see oral sex as less intimate than sexual intercourse, though 41 percent find the sex acts equally intimate. What surprised Malacad was the fact that most young women enjoyed oral sex, reporting having mostly positive emotions about the act, with over 30 percent feeling powerful when performing fellatio.
Whether you're male or female, going down on a man or woman can invite some of the most intense sexual experiences. For many women, having someone perform cunnilingus on them is their only means or the most effective means to realizing orgasm. This is in large part because the clitoris receives ample attention and can be effectively stimulated quite easily. Then there's the matter of "hero worship" both genders are rather fond of.
For those with disability or chronic illness, oral sex can be an excellent way of staying intimate while getting around a lot of issues that get in the way of other types of sex. If you're low on energy, have issues with spasticity, lubrication or erections, or find penetration or thrusting difficult and uncomfortable, oral sex is one way to provide intense pleasures.
Considered by many to be the most intimate sexual act both physically and emotionally, the receiver thrives off of being doted on, while the giver can take great joy in making sure that their lover feels absolutely amazing, as described in my soon-to-be-released on Amazon books on "The Best Oral Sex Ever" for him and her.
While the prevalence of sexual activity in general declines with age, a significant number of men and women still engage in oral sex, amongst other sexual behaviors, even into their eighties and nineties. A 2007 AARP Modern Maturity Sexuality Survey of 1,384 individuals 45 and older found that age itself has the greatest impact on the frequency of oral sex for men and women. Greater physical satisfaction with the relationship was also found to be associated with more frequent oral sex for women. Men and women in shorter relationships were also found to engage in more frequent oral sex than those in long-term relationships.
Such statistics blow away negative stereotypes regarding sexual inactivity in getting older. It further shows that oral is officially a part of many lovers' sexual repertoires, putting it back in the bedroom as a revered celebration of sexual pleasuring, as it was amongst some of Earth's earliest people for centuries.
Every participant who reported having had sexual intercourse also reported having engaged in oral sex, though interviews with the lead researcher, Brea Malacad, do not clarify if this is oral action is giving, receiving or both. The research, published in the European Journal of Contraception and Reproductive Health Care, further showed that about half of respondents see oral sex as less intimate than sexual intercourse, though 41 percent find the sex acts equally intimate. What surprised Malacad was the fact that most young women enjoyed oral sex, reporting having mostly positive emotions about the act, with over 30 percent feeling powerful when performing fellatio.
Whether you're male or female, going down on a man or woman can invite some of the most intense sexual experiences. For many women, having someone perform cunnilingus on them is their only means or the most effective means to realizing orgasm. This is in large part because the clitoris receives ample attention and can be effectively stimulated quite easily. Then there's the matter of "hero worship" both genders are rather fond of.
For those with disability or chronic illness, oral sex can be an excellent way of staying intimate while getting around a lot of issues that get in the way of other types of sex. If you're low on energy, have issues with spasticity, lubrication or erections, or find penetration or thrusting difficult and uncomfortable, oral sex is one way to provide intense pleasures.
Considered by many to be the most intimate sexual act both physically and emotionally, the receiver thrives off of being doted on, while the giver can take great joy in making sure that their lover feels absolutely amazing, as described in my soon-to-be-released on Amazon books on "The Best Oral Sex Ever" for him and her.
While the prevalence of sexual activity in general declines with age, a significant number of men and women still engage in oral sex, amongst other sexual behaviors, even into their eighties and nineties. A 2007 AARP Modern Maturity Sexuality Survey of 1,384 individuals 45 and older found that age itself has the greatest impact on the frequency of oral sex for men and women. Greater physical satisfaction with the relationship was also found to be associated with more frequent oral sex for women. Men and women in shorter relationships were also found to engage in more frequent oral sex than those in long-term relationships.
Such statistics blow away negative stereotypes regarding sexual inactivity in getting older. It further shows that oral is officially a part of many lovers' sexual repertoires, putting it back in the bedroom as a revered celebration of sexual pleasuring, as it was amongst some of Earth's earliest people for centuries.
Read more: Oral Sex, Male Oral Sex, Relationships Sex, Sex, Female Oral Sex, Sex Advice, Living News
Categories: Sex and Relationships
Big Girls, Small Kitchen: The Naked Cook: Making Panzanella Salad, Undressed
A few times over the course of the last few weeks, as New York City humidity has neared 100 percent, I've found myself slaving over my small kitchen's open flame in nothing but a tank top and underwear. This sounds attractive in theory, and perhaps if it was an apron alone, there would have at least been something classically erotic about my situation. But I assure you, there is nothing less appealing than splattering oil on bare, white legs as you sweat not just the heat but also guests who are moments away, and you debate whether or not it's better to put on some shorts or burn the chicken.
Even as a practiced weeknight entertainer, the lack of control over life, schedule, and happiness that comes with a busy life, often leaves me, well, late. Thus was the case a few Wednesdays ago when I found myself, shopping bags in hand, racing up my three-floor walk-up, throwing a pot of water on to boil, and peeling off all of my clothes for fear of fainting into the flame.
Summer had a way of creeping up on us slowly this year, and it wasn't until this past week that I began factoring the heat of preparation into my menus. Usually when it's warm, if I'm cooking for just myself or a girlfriend or two, I'll whip up a quick salad and call it a meal. But with a coffee table full of guests--guys and gals alike--it feels like kind of a poor excuse for dinner to just serve up a variety of tossed raw veggies, no matter how interesting or delicious. My solution: panzanella.
Making a salad out of carbs is an easy way to convince bigger eaters (cough cough, men) that their side dish is not a salad at all. This particular version was packed with farmers' market-fresh tomatoes and cucumbers. More refreshing yet, I was able to toast the bread in the oven at the same time as my chicken cooked, minimizing the active work over the fire and the time my apartment would also be roasting. I let both come down to room temperature, giving me time to cool off with some of Caitlyn's Iced Basil Green Tea, open a window, and put on some clothes.
--Phoebe Lapine of Big Girls, Small Kitchen
Panzanella Salad with Lemon-Basil Vinaigrette
Makes 4-6 servings
Ingredients
1 large loaf ciabatta or other rustic Italian bread, sliced
2 small cucumbers, halved, and sliced
2 pints cherry tomatoes, halved
1/2 lb buffalo mozzarella or buccacini, roughly torn into pieces
1 cup basil leaves, roughly torn
salt to taste
For the vinaigrette:
Double this recipe.
Preheat the oven to broil.
In a medium mixing bowl, toss together the cucumbers, tomatoes, and mozzarella with the vinaigrette. Set aside.
Slice the bread into large rustic pieces. Lay them flat on a rimmed baking sheet and brush each slice with olive oil. Place on the top rack in the oven and toast until dark brown, but not burned.
Allow the bread to cool enough to handle. Cut into 1 inch pieces. Add the bread and basil to the bowl and toss together with the rest of the salad mixture.
Serve immediately along side the chicken.
Lemon-Garlic Roasted Chicken Breasts
Makes 4 Servings
Ingredients
4 large chicken breasts, bone-in skin on
Zest of 1 lemon
1 tbsp lemon juice
3 tbsp butter, room temperature
1 garlic clove, pushed through a press
1 tsp salt
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.
In a small bowl, combine the zest, lemon juice, butter, garlic, and salt and whip together.
With clean hands, rub the butter mixture underneath the chicken's skin so there is a thin layer. Repeat with each breast. Leftover butter can be reserved for another use.
Coat a over proof skillet with a thin layer of oil and brown the chicken over medium-high heat, starting with the skin-side down. Once both sides have been browned, place the chicken in the oven and cook until the breasts are cooked through, about 10 to 15 minutes.
Allow chicken to rest for another ten minutes or so under a sheet of foil. Serve warm or room temperature to allow you and your guests to cool.
Even as a practiced weeknight entertainer, the lack of control over life, schedule, and happiness that comes with a busy life, often leaves me, well, late. Thus was the case a few Wednesdays ago when I found myself, shopping bags in hand, racing up my three-floor walk-up, throwing a pot of water on to boil, and peeling off all of my clothes for fear of fainting into the flame.
Summer had a way of creeping up on us slowly this year, and it wasn't until this past week that I began factoring the heat of preparation into my menus. Usually when it's warm, if I'm cooking for just myself or a girlfriend or two, I'll whip up a quick salad and call it a meal. But with a coffee table full of guests--guys and gals alike--it feels like kind of a poor excuse for dinner to just serve up a variety of tossed raw veggies, no matter how interesting or delicious. My solution: panzanella.
Making a salad out of carbs is an easy way to convince bigger eaters (cough cough, men) that their side dish is not a salad at all. This particular version was packed with farmers' market-fresh tomatoes and cucumbers. More refreshing yet, I was able to toast the bread in the oven at the same time as my chicken cooked, minimizing the active work over the fire and the time my apartment would also be roasting. I let both come down to room temperature, giving me time to cool off with some of Caitlyn's Iced Basil Green Tea, open a window, and put on some clothes.
--Phoebe Lapine of Big Girls, Small Kitchen
Panzanella Salad with Lemon-Basil Vinaigrette
Makes 4-6 servings
Ingredients
1 large loaf ciabatta or other rustic Italian bread, sliced
2 small cucumbers, halved, and sliced
2 pints cherry tomatoes, halved
1/2 lb buffalo mozzarella or buccacini, roughly torn into pieces
1 cup basil leaves, roughly torn
salt to taste
For the vinaigrette:
Double this recipe.
Preheat the oven to broil.
In a medium mixing bowl, toss together the cucumbers, tomatoes, and mozzarella with the vinaigrette. Set aside.
Slice the bread into large rustic pieces. Lay them flat on a rimmed baking sheet and brush each slice with olive oil. Place on the top rack in the oven and toast until dark brown, but not burned.
Allow the bread to cool enough to handle. Cut into 1 inch pieces. Add the bread and basil to the bowl and toss together with the rest of the salad mixture.
Serve immediately along side the chicken.
Lemon-Garlic Roasted Chicken Breasts
Makes 4 Servings
Ingredients
4 large chicken breasts, bone-in skin on
Zest of 1 lemon
1 tbsp lemon juice
3 tbsp butter, room temperature
1 garlic clove, pushed through a press
1 tsp salt
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.
In a small bowl, combine the zest, lemon juice, butter, garlic, and salt and whip together.
With clean hands, rub the butter mixture underneath the chicken's skin so there is a thin layer. Repeat with each breast. Leftover butter can be reserved for another use.
Coat a over proof skillet with a thin layer of oil and brown the chicken over medium-high heat, starting with the skin-side down. Once both sides have been browned, place the chicken in the oven and cook until the breasts are cooked through, about 10 to 15 minutes.
Allow chicken to rest for another ten minutes or so under a sheet of foil. Serve warm or room temperature to allow you and your guests to cool.
Read more: Summer, Recipes, Water, Sex, Cooking, Green, Sustainability, Food, Weather, Fashion, Green Living, Green Energy, New York, New York City, Food News
Categories: Sex and Relationships
Dan Persons: Cinefantastique Podcast: Eli Roth & Daniel Stamm on The Last Exorcism ; Review of Piranha 3D
It's a day of interviews and reviews at the Cinefantastique Podcast. First, a chat with director Daniel Stamm and producer Eli Roth on their new, demon-possession-in-the-bible-belt thriller, The Last Exorcism, opening on Friday, August 27. Then an in-depth discussion of Piranha 3D, Alexandre Aja's ultra-gory remake of the 1978 cult classic directed by Joe Dante. Find out if the thrills merit your enduring yet another ninety minutes of crappy, computer-processed 3D, or if you should just throw in the towel and see Vampires Suck instead. Plus the usual round-up of news, events, and home video releases.
IN THIS EPISODE:
1. News
2. Guess What's in 3D Now
3. Opening in Theaters
4. Interview: Eli Roth and Daniel Stamm on The Last Exorcism
4. Discussion: Piranha 3D
5. New on Home Video
6. New at cfqmag.com
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Check out previous episodes of the CFQ Podcast
v1n27 - Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
v1n26 - 50th Anniversary Special: Black Sunday
v1n25 - Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore
For the latest news on horror, fantasy, and science fiction film and television, visit Cinefantastique online.
IN THIS EPISODE:
1. News
2. Guess What's in 3D Now
3. Opening in Theaters
4. Interview: Eli Roth and Daniel Stamm on The Last Exorcism
4. Discussion: Piranha 3D
5. New on Home Video
6. New at cfqmag.com
src="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/include/audio_player.php?audio_file=http://media.blubrry.com/mightymoviepodcast/media.blubrry.com/cinefantastique/cinefantastiqueonline.com/podcast/podcast_v01n28_Piranha_3D_v02.mp3" type="text/javascript">
Check out previous episodes of the CFQ Podcast
v1n27 - Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
v1n26 - 50th Anniversary Special: Black Sunday
v1n25 - Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore
For the latest news on horror, fantasy, and science fiction film and television, visit Cinefantastique online.
Read more: Cinefantastique, Violence, The Last Exorcism, Daniel Stamm, Horror, Emotion, Sex, Drama, Christopher Lloyd, Suspense, Controversy, Death, Piranha 3d, Indie, Comedy, Gore, Cinefantastique Podcast, Fantasy, Off Beat, Satire, Eli Roth, Explosions, Entertainment News
Categories: Sex and Relationships
Dr. Logan Levkoff: Why Some Men Aren't Getting Laid
One week ago, I wrote an article entitled, "5 Ways to Get Your Wife to Have More Sex with You." It is a short piece based on a digital guide that I am writing for Good In Bed.
Fox News published the article online. And needless to say, some people were really ticked off.
As soon as the piece went live, men started writing to me. Instead of thanking me for my wisdom (being facetious here), they were angry. I was called every name in the book, plus a few I had never heard before. These readers were upset that I had made "archaic" generalizations about them. While yes, there were some generalizations made, they exist for a reason. I didn't just pick these tips out of mid air. I actually talked to women - wives, girlfriends, partners - and this is what they wanted men to know.
Are relationships 50/50? Definitely. Are we responsible for the issues in our relationships, too? Of course! But I was asked to write a piece for men...not women. If and when I am asked to write a similar article for women, I will hold them -- us -- accountable, too.
Do I really believe that all men are pigs who are incapable of communication, love, and affection? Seriously? Of course not. But there are still a lot of men out there who get their information about relationships from television shows, pornography, and that age old sexual double standard. So this was written for the benefit of those men -- and for the benefit of the women who asked me to share this information. (And by the way, if you're getting a sufficient amount of sex, then why are you reading my article anyway?)
But what these men have clearly missed is that the article is snarky, sarcastic, and all done with humor. If you don't get the humor...well, there's nothing I can do about that.
In case you were wondering, here are some things I learned from men this week:
1. Some men have no sense of humor whatsoever.
Bradley says: what blows my mind is how you think a man is supposed to kiss his wife's ass just to get some and if a man can't do the things you said then he obviously doesn't like his wife as a person and not only shouldn't get ass but needs a divorce.
No. I said that we shouldn't treat our wives like porn stars or grope them. (Touching and groping are two different ways of showing affection. Groping is not considered a respectful or consensual behavior.)
2. Some men think that once I start aging, I won't be advocating on behalf of women my age.
JD tells me: Looking out to the period twenty to thirty years from now, do you think you will be writing tips to get the husbands more interested in the post-menopausal, sixty-ish or older wives? You should be enjoying, but of course moderating, all the attention you are getting now. You won't be so hot in the future.
Was that last line supposed to be a compliment? JD, let me be the first to tell you that people of all ages are entitled to good sex. And yes, I will be advocating for high quality senior sex, too.
3. Some men would rather pay for sex than engage in a relationship that you have to work at.
DG writes: Uncommitted sex, whether it is paid for or otherwise is SO much better anyway.
4. Some men (in this case, a man named Jim) just don't get it...and never will
Jim says: All I hear is what men should do to please their women. Just once I'd line
to hear one of you femi-nazi's recommend to women to perform sex the way a
man wants -- no snuggling, no talking, just come into the bedroom and go to
work on achieving an orgasm. That's right, do everything that tells us you
can't wait for us to come. Maybe then men will want to listen to all of the
countless articles and tv shows that do nothing but tell me how to have sex
as a woman.
Hey Jim, have you ever seen Cosmo, Playboy, or any other magazine? Does Spike TV have a show telling you how to "Have Sex as a Woman"? Sorry I must have missed that episode. Women are told from the time they are born that there are many things they need to do, look like, or be in order to get a man - as if that was a measure of success (BTW, that too is sarcasm.). And it may shock you, but some of us do have sex "like a man" (even though that's a huge generalization). But try a little reciprocation. It goes a long way.
5. Some men don't realize that relationships evolve and you actually need to work at them before you cheat.
i.e. Mike says: We got married and you changed. I didn't. My sex drive and approach
didn't change, you changed after you had me hooked. Well, the woman I cheat with behave like you did before we were married. You want me to stop cheating, then step up your game.
This is only a small sample of what I received. Many men wrote letters that were 700 words or longer! So I have come to one very big conclusion. If men spent half as much time on their wives as they did drafting scathing emails to me, they'd probably be having a lot more sex.
To you men who understood the purpose of the original article, I am not talking to you:)
Fox News published the article online. And needless to say, some people were really ticked off.
As soon as the piece went live, men started writing to me. Instead of thanking me for my wisdom (being facetious here), they were angry. I was called every name in the book, plus a few I had never heard before. These readers were upset that I had made "archaic" generalizations about them. While yes, there were some generalizations made, they exist for a reason. I didn't just pick these tips out of mid air. I actually talked to women - wives, girlfriends, partners - and this is what they wanted men to know.
Are relationships 50/50? Definitely. Are we responsible for the issues in our relationships, too? Of course! But I was asked to write a piece for men...not women. If and when I am asked to write a similar article for women, I will hold them -- us -- accountable, too.
Do I really believe that all men are pigs who are incapable of communication, love, and affection? Seriously? Of course not. But there are still a lot of men out there who get their information about relationships from television shows, pornography, and that age old sexual double standard. So this was written for the benefit of those men -- and for the benefit of the women who asked me to share this information. (And by the way, if you're getting a sufficient amount of sex, then why are you reading my article anyway?)
But what these men have clearly missed is that the article is snarky, sarcastic, and all done with humor. If you don't get the humor...well, there's nothing I can do about that.
In case you were wondering, here are some things I learned from men this week:
1. Some men have no sense of humor whatsoever.
Bradley says: what blows my mind is how you think a man is supposed to kiss his wife's ass just to get some and if a man can't do the things you said then he obviously doesn't like his wife as a person and not only shouldn't get ass but needs a divorce.
No. I said that we shouldn't treat our wives like porn stars or grope them. (Touching and groping are two different ways of showing affection. Groping is not considered a respectful or consensual behavior.)
2. Some men think that once I start aging, I won't be advocating on behalf of women my age.
JD tells me: Looking out to the period twenty to thirty years from now, do you think you will be writing tips to get the husbands more interested in the post-menopausal, sixty-ish or older wives? You should be enjoying, but of course moderating, all the attention you are getting now. You won't be so hot in the future.
Was that last line supposed to be a compliment? JD, let me be the first to tell you that people of all ages are entitled to good sex. And yes, I will be advocating for high quality senior sex, too.
3. Some men would rather pay for sex than engage in a relationship that you have to work at.
DG writes: Uncommitted sex, whether it is paid for or otherwise is SO much better anyway.
4. Some men (in this case, a man named Jim) just don't get it...and never will
Jim says: All I hear is what men should do to please their women. Just once I'd line
to hear one of you femi-nazi's recommend to women to perform sex the way a
man wants -- no snuggling, no talking, just come into the bedroom and go to
work on achieving an orgasm. That's right, do everything that tells us you
can't wait for us to come. Maybe then men will want to listen to all of the
countless articles and tv shows that do nothing but tell me how to have sex
as a woman.
Hey Jim, have you ever seen Cosmo, Playboy, or any other magazine? Does Spike TV have a show telling you how to "Have Sex as a Woman"? Sorry I must have missed that episode. Women are told from the time they are born that there are many things they need to do, look like, or be in order to get a man - as if that was a measure of success (BTW, that too is sarcasm.). And it may shock you, but some of us do have sex "like a man" (even though that's a huge generalization). But try a little reciprocation. It goes a long way.
5. Some men don't realize that relationships evolve and you actually need to work at them before you cheat.
i.e. Mike says: We got married and you changed. I didn't. My sex drive and approach
didn't change, you changed after you had me hooked. Well, the woman I cheat with behave like you did before we were married. You want me to stop cheating, then step up your game.
This is only a small sample of what I received. Many men wrote letters that were 700 words or longer! So I have come to one very big conclusion. If men spent half as much time on their wives as they did drafting scathing emails to me, they'd probably be having a lot more sex.
To you men who understood the purpose of the original article, I am not talking to you:)
Read more: Women, Logan Levkoff, Relationship Advice, Relationships, Sex, Men, Fox News, Relationship Tips, Sexuality, Sex Advice, Living News
Categories: Sex and Relationships
New Study Claims No Cougar Trend, Dating Websites Attempt To Show Otherwise
Bad news for 20-something men seeking an older woman: the "cougar" trend might not really exist. Dr. Michael Dunn, a psychology researcher at the University of Wales Institute in Cardiff, who just completed a thorough analysis of 22,400 singles ads on popular dating websites in North America, Europe, Australia and Japan told the Australian Associated Press, "Not once across all ages and countries...did females show a preference for males significantly younger than male preferences for females."
Instead, he found a "consistent cross-cultural preference by women for at least same-age or significantly older men." Dunn added, "I do believe the cougar phenomenon is a myth and, yes, a media construct."
Time magazine, however, wasn't quick to buy Dunn's results, citing a 2003 study by AARP, which concluded that 34 percent of 40-and-older women were dating younger men. Women like Valerie Gibson, author of "Cougar: A Guide for Older Women Dating Younger Men" point to that information as proof that the cougar is not extinct. Gibson said, "I get angered by this silliness....Society has always told us that the older woman who is still sexual isn't supposed to exist. We should be wrapped in a shawl baking cookies for our grandchildren and all that crap."
Websites like Cougar Life have been set up to handle the trend. Either "cougars" or "cubs" can register to find dating matches within a selected age range. It seems to be most popular in NYC, L.A. and Miami.
What do you think?
Instead, he found a "consistent cross-cultural preference by women for at least same-age or significantly older men." Dunn added, "I do believe the cougar phenomenon is a myth and, yes, a media construct."
Time magazine, however, wasn't quick to buy Dunn's results, citing a 2003 study by AARP, which concluded that 34 percent of 40-and-older women were dating younger men. Women like Valerie Gibson, author of "Cougar: A Guide for Older Women Dating Younger Men" point to that information as proof that the cougar is not extinct. Gibson said, "I get angered by this silliness....Society has always told us that the older woman who is still sexual isn't supposed to exist. We should be wrapped in a shawl baking cookies for our grandchildren and all that crap."
Websites like Cougar Life have been set up to handle the trend. Either "cougars" or "cubs" can register to find dating matches within a selected age range. It seems to be most popular in NYC, L.A. and Miami.
What do you think?
Read more: Cougar Life, Poll, Cougars, Sex, Style News
Categories: Sex and Relationships
Dan Persons: CFQ Post-Mortem: The Alternate Worlds of Recycled Footage
After a passionate discussion of Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, Dan Persons and Steve Biodrowski leave the recorder running as they delve deeply into the minutia of horror, fantasy, and science fiction. This week focuses on films that recycle plots and/or footage to create alternate versions and/or whole new movies:
* Exorcist: The Beginning and Dominion: Prequel to the Exorcist
* Digging for Gold, the 1934 German science-fiction film cannibalized for the final act of the low-budget 1953 sci-fi flick The Magnetic Monster
* Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut on DVD
Also, the RiffTrax version of Carnival of Souls, Cinematic Titanic, and listener mail on the joys of Mario Bava and the wisdom of target release dates .
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* Exorcist: The Beginning and Dominion: Prequel to the Exorcist
* Digging for Gold, the 1934 German science-fiction film cannibalized for the final act of the low-budget 1953 sci-fi flick The Magnetic Monster
* Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut on DVD
Also, the RiffTrax version of Carnival of Souls, Cinematic Titanic, and listener mail on the joys of Mario Bava and the wisdom of target release dates .
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Read more: Cinefantastique, Violence, The Magnetic Monster, Superman II, RiffTrax, Gold, Murder, Horror, CFQ Post-Mortem, Sex, Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, War, Drama, Suspense, Controversy, Death, Indie, Exorcist: The Beginning, Comedy, Gore, Cinefantastique Podcast, Fantasy, Off Beat, Satire, Science Fiction, Explosions, Mario Bava, Art, Carnival of Souls, Dominion: Prequel to the Exorcist, Cinematic Titanic, Entertainment News
Categories: Sex and Relationships
Jessica Radloff: What Guys Want You To Know (Part 1)
"My idea of a perfect date night is very simple: burger-movie-sex. FYI, this can be in any order."
-Mike U., Las Vegas
I don't think I've ever enjoyed doing research before. In fact, I know I haven't (unless it was taste-testing cupcakes -- but that's another story in a different section). I mean, really, who does? It conjures up memories of spending a beautiful Saturday in the library sorting through the card catalogue to learn all about Lewis and Clark. So it's no wonder that I'd rather just write (or talk) about things that come naturally to me. But after doing my research for this story, let me just apologize to all my teachers and admit that boy, I was wrong.
I LOVE research. If that research is about guys and dating and relationships, then I'll research all the live-long day. You see, this so-called 'simple' species isn't really that simple after all. They might try to make us think that they are, but underneath their charming exterior, there's a lot of thought that goes in to what they do, what they say, how they say it, and why they do the things they do. Lucky for me, I got to be the one to uncover it.
I contacted some of the greatest guys in the country. Ok, that could be a stretch, but for the sake of this article and how forthcoming they were, I'm calling them some of the greatest guys in the country. I'm also fortunate to say I know them all. Maybe that's a case of 'selective-researching,' but I prefer to think of it as going to the World Book of Encyclopedias of Men. Some of these guys are single, some of them are in relationships, others are engaged, and some of them are married--with little ones running around too. But one thing they all are is awesome. For those of them that are taken, you'll wish they weren't. For those that are single, you are welcome. They are hot, clever, smart, intuitive, thoughtful, and amazing guys. And I got them to spill the secrets that they want YOU to know.
You're welcome.
Q: What do you wish all women knew about guys?
"Not all guys only care about sleeping with you. But all guys will sleep with you immediately if given the chance. Fact."
-Aaron K., 31, Los Angeles, Author & Comedian, single
"We are problem solvers. Do not tell us about a problem unless you want us to try and fix it."
-Bob M., 31, Chicago, Attorney, in-a-relationship
"If we appear to be too good to be true, we usually are. We are more sensitive than you. We harbor more feelings than you care to know."
-Buck W., 31, Detroit, Social Media Director/On Air CBS Radio, married
"What you call objectifying, we call admiring a superior physical form."
-Matthew H., 32, Seattle, Senior Magazine Editor--Seattle Metropolitan Magazine, married and father of one
"Believe it or not, there are actually 'good guys' out there and we do not finish last. Go for your 'bad boy' type and see how that ends up for you. You know how it is going to end up but you still jump into the deep end of the pool because you think you can change him. Nine times out of 10 you are going to be banging your head against the wall. Avoid the pain and heartache and go for a guy that will treat a woman the way she deserves to be treated."
-Michael M., 37, Los Angeles, Actor, married
"We are not as good as you (when it comes to) communicating and we do it differently than you. We know it can be frustrating, but you need to be patient with us and eventually we will open up and tell you what you want to know."
-Tony B., 40, St. Louis, Financial Services, engaged
"We really are always thinking about it. Always."
-Jason M., 29, St. Louis, Marketing, in-a-relationship
Q: What is your biggest pet peeve about women?
"I hate it when a woman won't make a decision but they can second guess without a problem. If you were not part of the choice, then you have no place in the appraisal of its success."
-Michael U., 33, Las Vegas, Casino Manager, married w/kids
"Lack of self-confidence. Women--if a guy is talking to you or dating you, he thinks you are beautiful. No more of this 'I feel fat' or 'I'm so fat, you just want to see the skinny girls at the gym' type of stuff. Also, communicate better. Guys are terrible guessers, so if you want something, tell us."
-Bob M.
"When she doesn't make the fake, reach-for-her-purse move at the end of a date. I'm going to wave her off and pay anyway, but I'd appreciate if she at least played along."
-Aaron K.
"That they're extremely catty to one another and constantly complain about minutia another girl did--which we don't care about."
-Jason M.
"They're too trusting. From my sisters to my wife, I find myself too many times begging for the women in my world to stop talking to strange characters or cohorting with bad co-workers."
-Buck W.
(Author's Note: Um, Buck, maybe you need to just move from where you live. Because if you're wife, sister, mom, etc. are having that many interactions with strange characters, something tells me to get them the hell out of Dodge!)
"Jumping to conclusions without all of the information. I understand women's intuition and some have it, but most don't and it's just guessing."
-Michael M.
"How cruel they can be to each other. I know guys can be bad, but sometimes I can't believe how vicious women can be towards each other."
-Tony B.
Q: What qualities do you admire most about your wife/girlfriend/fiancée?
"Where do I start? She takes care of me better than I take care of myself. She has a smile that will light up any room she walks into, and it all radiates from the person she is on the inside. And lastly, she loves me for who I am without judgment. We all have our past, we just need someone to accept it, and know that the present and the future is a journey that we take together, till death do us part."
-Michael M.
"She is caring, sincere, and a strong leader for the family. My wife is the true glue when things fall apart. Unconditional wasn't just a word she read, but the example she lives by."
-Buck W.
"Her ability to tolerate my 5th grade intellect."
-Matthew H.
"She is calm and does not look for drama in her life. She doesn't get hysterical or irrational if things don't go her way or if she has a setback. I like that she is competitive but it doesn't come out when we have disagreements. I also like how modest she is about her looks and intelligence."
-Tony B.
"I have the ultimate teammate when times get tough. Having someone that you know will love you when your career is troubled, or intrinsically hates somebody who treats you poorly is a great asset. It lets me know that no matter how bad life gets, I have my family."
-Michael U.
"Good sense of humor, well traveled, likes to eat (a rare quality these days), and drinks beer instead of fancy cocktails. She's simple, real, natural and comfortable with herself."
-Michael K., 33, New York City, Video Producer/Editor, Engaged
"Intelligence and common sense."
-Bob M.
Q: If a girl needs to have a serious talk with her boyfriend, what is the best way to bring things up that won't cause him to shut down?
"Do not start with 'we need to talk.' You may as well start with 'I'm about to tell you something that may make you uncomfortable, so begin shutting down!' I think the location is key. It can't be somewhere where there are distractions. We are too easily distracted!"
-Tony B.
(Author's Note: Exactly! Which is what Tony must have been when he was answering this question! Why? Well, he made a great point about not starting off a serious conversation by saying 'we need to talk,' but I was waiting to hear what you should say instead! How do you start it off? I'll ask Tony, but in the meantime, I'm curious to hear what other guys think, and also, if women who have been in similar positions can relate a successful way that they have accomplished a successful talk.)
"Most guys are black and white and we naturally want to fix things. Don't talk just to talk. Bring a problem and expect a solution. If we are assigned a task early in the conversation, we won't shut down. . . .we have to finish any task given to us."
-Michael U.
"Just say it without beating around the bush. We know when you're tip-toeing. We just choose to ignore it."
-Jason M.
(Author's Note: See, ladies, and you thought they often have no clue!)
"Directly before sex?"
-Buck W.
"Just be honest and come from a place that let shim know that no matter what, you will still love him but there are issues that need to be worked out. Let him know that you are there to help him and not break him down. Avoid putting him on the defensive by accusing or pointing fingers, and most of all--and this is VERY important--LISTEN to him. If he thinks you already have made up your mind and that anything else he says is falling on deaf ears, that is a sure way to get your man to shut down."
-Michael M.
"Just dive in. We can sniff out your little attempts at misdirection much more easily than you think. But wait until the game is over, OK?"
-Matthew H.
"Be direct and clear. And do not use analogies of other couples you may know, or couples from a movie. That is the worst."
-Bob M.
(Author's Note: What are the odd's that Bob's current or former girlfriend said 'But you DO complete me! Tom Cruise and Renee Zellweger said so!')
"There is no magic formula. Just go straight to it. Never postpone important talks just because the time doesn't seem right."
-Michael K.
Stay tuned for Part II next week! I get the guys to answer everything ranging from sex and how soon is too soon to sleep together (although you know what some of them will say!) to if those Facebook relationship status' are really that big of a deal.
Read more: Relationships, Guys, Sex, Style News
Categories: Sex and Relationships
Like Stieg Larsson? Let's Date! Can Books REALLY Lead To Love?
NEW YORK — Chin Ma is 25 and looking for love. He paddles regularly in the dating pools online, paying fees to navigate millions of profiles based on lengthy checklists and compatibility formulas.
So how'd he find his latest prospect? Through a book by Andy Warhol on Alikewise.com, a newcomer looking to connect people free of charge based on their favorite reads. It's a unique approach in a recession-hardy industry that has dozens of niche sites serving potheads to pet owners, millionaires to Mac lovers.
So how'd he find his latest prospect? Through a book by Andy Warhol on Alikewise.com, a newcomer looking to connect people free of charge based on their favorite reads. It's a unique approach in a recession-hardy industry that has dozens of niche sites serving potheads to pet owners, millionaires to Mac lovers.
Read more: Great Gatsby, Books and Love, match.com, alikewise.com, Dating Site, Jane Austen, Books and Dating, Book Dating, Dating Service, Stieg Larsson, Austen, Match, Sex, Orwell, Vonnegut, Alikewise, Love, Books News
Categories: Sex and Relationships
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